A
male
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anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this girl on and off since August, she is 27, and in 34. We hit it off straight away and get along really well. We started off casual dating, going to the cinema, meals out, walks ect. We both work full time, and both have quite hectic schedules with friends and stuff at weekends, so we don't see each other everyweekend. When we do we always end up kissing and cuddling after for ages, like till 1.00 in the morning. When im busy she's always the first one to text me, then i respond at my nearest convienience. we just can't seem to go beyond the friends stage, although surely if we are kissing and cuddling then we have gone beyond the boundries of friendship. Just lately after one of our weekends apart she has gone quiet on the texts, now its me being the first to text her, where as it would always normally be her. When i text she responds. Im guessing she woulden't if she wasen't interested. Why has she gone quiet all of a sudden. whats with her now, do you think she's trying to make me do some leg work now?. Any advice would be appreciated.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 You are still playing games. She doesn't want a relationship but she still likes the attention and that you are pursuing her. If someone said to me he likes me because I give him space, I will be done with him because I am so much more than my independece. You don't get the girlfriend experience on the weekends then being single on other days. We are not meant to be compartmentalized like that. It's like I am a part time worker but the company expects that I think for the company every single day of the week. If she replies you it's because she wants you to hang in there because she is getting the satisfaction here and there, and not because she wants something more. When you try to go colder than the player, all you get is that you get to keep the player, and not that the player becomes warmer to you in time. I think you want more satisfaction of a player saying to you, "good boy for giving me my freedom. Your reward is more vagueness from me in the future."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfrom my point of view its not games. While we were going out she said one of the things she really likes about me is that im not in her face, smothering her wanting to go out all the time, she and i both apreciate and like our space. i feel like i would text her more than i should, so deleting her from my contacts i won't be able to do this. I know its a gamble, but i believe sooner or later she will reply back to me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Do you WANT to see her? why are you playing games with her if you want to see her or get to know her?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for you help and input on this. I was going to send a text saying that i have really enjoyed getting to know you, see you around from time to time, but i thought better of it. To save temptation from texting frequently i have deleted her from my contacts, so now i can't text her now anyway, now its down to her. Hope i made the right decision here.
Thanks guys
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): After couple of months it is a time to clarify what you want from this relationship. Maybe she thinks, that is it and this relationship won’t go any further so she has started to go cold. If you really want more it is a time to speak up. I would do the same as she is doing right now to give the hint....so if you like her ask her officially to be your girlfriend….simple
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012): You're reading too deeply into this OP, dating ebbs and flows in my opinion. Sometimes they are all about the man making the effort other times the woman, sometimes it switches and changes.
If you bot have hectic schedules then maybe it's time you invited to join you and your friends some weekend.
I think it's time you put in a tiny bit more effort to include her in your life. There's nothing wrong with her backing off a bit to let you take the reigns, I know plenty of girls that will let the guy do all the work to show how much he's interested.
Stop trying to read into things, it could be a million things. Maybe her friends have doubts about your desire for her and advised her to do this, maybe something has come up in her life that is sapping her motivation, maybe the lack of time together is tiring her, or maybe things haven't progressed because you haven't taken things a bit further and she thinks you're not all that into her.
Seriously it could a million things all you have to think about is ways to get to see her more often, ways to include her a bit more in your life and ways to progress this thing further. Assume she's still interested and don't think anything bad unless you have a real reason to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012): She doesn't want to be the one contacting you first all the time and was afraid that you may not have been so interested in her. I've been with my man for 5 months, and as silly as it may seem, I almost always wait for him to contact me first. For me there's an insecurity of "what if he doesn't want to hear from me??" Also, the time span between when she texts you and when you can respond (even if it isn't intentional or your fault) makes her think she's not important to you. She's backing off to see if you're really interested and how willing you are to make those attempts.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (8 October 2012):
 Hi
Comes a time when you have to prioritise your life to fit a relationship in, to give your partner the time it needs to develop more than friendship.
She has probably decided to let you do the running to guage just how interested you are.Maybe you two should talk (not text!) to see if your both ready to give each other that quality time or move on.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 October 2012):
i think she is concerned that she was always the one to contact you so she's backing off.
it' probably kills her to wait to hear from you...
if she always responds right away she probably watches the phone waiting for your texts. (which texting btw is a lousy way to have a relationship)
sounds like you guys just don't have enough time to be together so if you want to make it work then something or someone has to give....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012): Hi there! 2 things to your question..
1. She's giving you a cold shoulder becoz she lost what she used to have for you.
2. or probably you changed so she have no choice but to change too coz it hurts her. maybe she just doen't want to get in to details.
Either way, if you care for her, ask her. and talk...im sure she will appreciate ur honesty.
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (8 October 2012):
I would say your schedules don't match and she doesn't know for how long she has to do this commuting back and forth and then missing you in between. You mentioned that this is an on and off thing. With a high sex drive like yours she probably won't do it for you. She likes you enough to spend time with you but she doesn't want that the only time she has with you is sex as that makes her feel like you are sex buddies. If you want a true girlfriend experience perhaps you have to balance your life a little bit and to make room for that person. If you are quite busy yourself, you can't expect a girlfriend, a sex partner, a friend all rolled into one and just tightly squeeze into your schedule.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012): Yes, she wants you to chase her a little as she became snissed of that she was initiating contact all the time.. And snissed that you haven't suggested probably taking to another level.. If you want to date her tell her.
Or
You'll maybe lose the best thing that could happen to you.
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