A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My guy avoids saying "I love you" and " I miss you" anymore.he used to and up to recently.now if I text either to him he puts "thanks or so kind".I asked him today why he won't say it anymore and he texted back " love love and kisses xx " we've been dating just over a year and he stopped this about 6 weeks ago
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2015): No its ha none of those fantasy relationship things. We met in the real world and the relationship is real not a text/telephone or Internet one
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 May 2015):
 I hate to have to ask, but are you spending time together in real life or are you dating via text and the phone and the internet?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2015): Thanks for your answers and advice and yes he does show it I every other way and the rel goes from strength to strength. It was just strange he had not said it for a while but maybe I guess he assumes I know he loves me
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2015): He only stopped six weeks ago? That's not a very long time. Maybe you're past your "honeymoon-stage" in the relationship.
You are a sophisticated and mature lady now. Not a schoolgirl. It seems it makes more sense that he treats you like a grown-woman. Not behave like a couple of adolescent children. He responded in a mocking way; because you shouldn't instruct a person on how to express their feelings. They should do it willingly and from the heart.
It's more important how you are treated, and how your feelings are reciprocated; than just hearing or reading the L-word. Hearing the word offers no guarantee it is true.
People can say all sorts of lovely words, tell you they love you every-time you blink; and not mean one word of it.
If you need a guy who oozes a lot of sweet-talk, and blubbers sappy-words with sprinkles; maybe he's the wrong guy for you. I don't want anyone telling me they love me; after I've complained that they don't say it. Then it's not spontaneous or heartfelt. Stop and think about what he did last, that sent the message you're in his heart, and on his mind. Let the love flow naturally, not on demand.
It could also be possible you haven't given him a lot of reason to say it lately; or YOU say it way too often for it to make any sense.
He'll say it when he feels like it. That's when he means it. It doesn't have to be echoed back dozens of times a day, if you text him a lot. Give him a chance to miss you, and maybe he'll say so.
Sometimes the lady in the relationship has to take some responsibility on how THEY come across, and how demanding or high maintenance they are to their "partner." Don't place too much responsibility and obligation on HIM to cater to your every insecurity and sensitivity. Making-up for all the guys who didn't in your past. If you want a relationship that lasts, look for and expect the important things.
The important things include: respect, patience, kindness, physical-affection, sensuality in the bedroom, generosity, equality, and a sense of humor. If I get all this, I know without hearing the word that I'm loved! Silly xx's and emoticons are for kids, and adults look foolish using them. It's cute; but over time, we start to have an understanding that feelings are "felt" and go without saying. If your man doesn't say he misses you, maybe you're too clingy and smothering him. Take a hint!
If you don't FEEL loved, what difference will hearing the word make?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2015): You need to tell him how you feel, but you also need to accept that's who he is/has become. You then have to ask yourself: is it worth it if he only does it because you (unintentionally) nag him about it? If it doesn't come from him on his own, doesn't it lose meaning?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2015): I understand your situation.I am in the same boat but with my guy we've been together for 2 years.We are still both crazy about each other. But he isn't the most demonstrative type. I have asked him also why he doesn't text to say I miss you etc. He shows it in other ways. Maybe texting a winky face or kissy face or an xoxo. And sometimes he does text he misses me, loves me etc. But when I ask him about it, he says he wants to do it on his own and mean it without me prodding him to do it. Not sure if that makes sense? The winky or kissy faces mean he is thinking about me. Or other things he does show his affection. Like playing my favourite song for me or helping me fix something or paying for a gym membership or buying me a stuffed animal. Affection can be expressed in other ways is my point. Does he express it in other ways besides verbally? Some guys don't need to say I love you all the time. But us women sure do like to hear it. Most of us anyway. And just because he doesn't say it all the time doesn't mean he does not love you. You have different expectations from him. Do you say it to him often? Are you always open with him about it? Or do you hold back too?So maybe do talk to him and tell him you feel unloved or unappreciated when he does not say it as much. And ask him why. If anything has changed for him. If his feelings are still the same and if he is still happy in the relationship. There is nothing wrong with checking the temperature of the relationship every once in awhile. There is nothing wrong with open and honest communication. Tell him when you do this, it makes me feel like this.... Maybe he is unaware as some men are. And he will start to make the effort again because it makes you happy.Also, remember that as relationships progress and time goes by, the efforts are not the same as in the beginning despite our best intentions or feelings. People become more relaxed and comfortable with each other. We assume we love each other and don't say it as often. Although we probably should. And continue to keep the romance alive. This is where people go wrong. It's good to be comfortable but never TOO comfortable that you take your partner for granted or their needs go unmet. So always communicating your wants and needs is important no matter what stage your relationship is in.Why not just plan an out of the blue spontaneous date (you know it's planned but he doesn't have to!) and surprise him! Do something romantic just the two of you. And you will feel much better I am sure. Sometimes we just need to RECONNECT. And be assured that our partner is still crazy about us.Good luck. :)
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A
male
reader, Over 50 advice +, writes (18 May 2015):
 Sound's like he is just playing a game to control your emotions, he knows how you feel but he continues to provoke you in this way. If this just stopped suddenly like you said there is more to it. Confronting him will just empower him, I would keep your distance from him and see if he makes the first move to contact you if not he has moved on.
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