A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a postgraduate student at university and I help teach a first year laboratory. One of the students in my lab has really latched onto me. He is older than the other students and from another country so he really wants a friend. I have a boyfriend who is long distance at the moment. I don't feel comfortable with talking to this foreign student for two reasons. The first is that I am worried either he or my boyfriend may misconstrue it. i am very faithful to my boyfriend to the extent that I have very few male friends and none that I am in contact with on a regular basis. And second is whether it is a violation of my position to be friends with him. What do people think about this? being over the top about it? I don't particularly want to be friends with this guy but he's in a strange country and I'm pretty sure he has literally no other friends so I don't wantkickbe responsible for his being depressed and homesick or anything. Perspectives?
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male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (18 May 2015):
 If you do not want to be friends then don't be. You are under no obligation to provide friendship services to a foreigner who decided to be there on his own. IDK what laws govern teacher-student relationship in your country, but whatever it is it is still unethical to be friends when such relationship calls for professional interaction. One way to signal him that distance is being established by you is rocketed to him as Mr. HisLastName instead of being on first name bases. I think you should focus on your work and make sure he gets that signal irrespective how cold you think that may be. Just follow what your gut is telling you, it is correct.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 May 2015):
 You say, you don't really WANT to be friends with him, so don't. YOU are there to teach, so teach and be professional. You don't OWE the students friendships. You can still help and be friendly. But YOU get to choose YOUR friends. And i this guy is not someone you want as a friend, THAT is OK.
As for think YOU would be responsible for him being homesick or anything? That is a tad silly. THERE are plenty of student around campus HE can make friends with if he SO chooses.
You could point him in the direction of some social groups or things of interest he might want to pursue.
My guess is you are somewhat of a people-pleaser and you feel it would be "mean" if you told this guy that you are strictly there as a teacher/helper, not as a friend. It' not being mean, it's being honest.
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