A
female
age
41-50,
*rtistchick
writes:Ok, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We were both in realationships prior to us being together. I snooped and found a camcorder, with some videotapes. I find out he had been filming various types of females, while he was in his old car- zooming and filming thier butts! When they were jogging or just doing errands, mind you some off them had no figure that's even that great. This has been bothering me so bad and I can't get these images out of my head. It's seriously destroyed any self confidence I have. He said he did it a long time ago. But how do I know? It was like peeping tom bs. It makes me feel awful, I have a really nice butt and body and I work out all the time:(I knew he had a fixation on butts and liked to watch a lot of these stupid anal porn movies before he met me, maybe it warped his mind? He says he loves me and wants to marry me. But I can't think the same of him anymore. I used to want him all the time, but this really killed me inside... I know he didnt do it to me but why would he save those videos? And he says he forgot about them?! Whatever.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): Guys have all sorts of secret porno stash. It's no reflection at all on how he feels about you. Just ask yourself if he treats you with love, kindness and respect. That's all that matters. He sounds a little kinky. That's not necessarily a bad thing.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 February 2008):
One time when he was young and stupid and got plenty of time and had nothing to do, he went and did some stupid thing , filming girls butt .
The chicken has come back to roost for him.
When you were young, did you do any impetuous thing ?Were you naughty , stole things or did any wrongs?
Now you are the judge , jury and executioner.
I hope you will be a fair judge. LOL!
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A
female
reader, artistchick +, writes (15 February 2008):
artistchick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah thats funny but thats totally differnt you know?!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (15 February 2008):
I saw a a T.V program on this butt business and how those butts were in actions, jogging, walking or climbing.They were just butts because the program did not want to identity the owners. Ordinarily, we seldom observe people walking and how the butt moves.
Through that TV program , it was funny to observe how different people walk and sway their butts.
Whether it is funny or not depends on your outlook. If you think it is not funny, then you have the right to think so. You may disagree with me.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 I agree with the poster: this isn't funny at all. This is not like "America's Funniest Home Videos". If a 13 year old were doing this, maybe I could think he's just immature; but we're talking about a grown up man here, someone who should know better.
Sugar Sugar is right. This is not a problem with the poster's physique. That should not worry you, poster.
I'm not sure if this should be the basis to put an end to the relationship, but I'm afraid it will become that.
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A
female
reader, artistchick +, writes (15 February 2008):
artistchick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok no its not funny at all... He said he did it a long time ago, because he didnt know how to talk to girls?! Its just creepy and weird that be would do that/ it made me think of him differnt. I personally think he was jacking off, why else would he do that. Yuk. :( its illegal to do that too.
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A
female
reader, hello1  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 I don't see how this is a funny Laura. It all sounds a bit freaky too me, your b/f sounds a bit of a werido. Sitting in his car all alone and filming women. I wouldn't end the relationship but don't totally wipe it off, remember.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (15 February 2008):
 Your self image shouldn't lie entirely in his hands! I completely understand you being annoyed, and I can certainly relate to your feelings but you should not give anyone the power to make you feel less about yourself.
If it was a recent thing (though I would be inclined to believe it wasn't) then the problem is entirely with him, not with your physique. He is one person, and if he needs to tape random female behinds to feel gratified than I assure you it is nothing to do with how good you look, do not let his strange behaviour detract from appreciating a body you've worked hard for!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (15 February 2008):
It was only a fad . Don't get mad and it is not worth messing your relationship over this.
You should see the humorous side of it.LOL!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (15 February 2008):
I see more than one issue here.
It seems to me you're feeling insecure. The fact that he looked at other women with such "interest" is bothering you. But I can't really determine whether you're bothered for his past looking, or because you think that continues, and he fails to appreciate your physique. Or both.
If your problem is that you think he fails to appreciate you, I think you can be at ease. I'm sure he does. Otherwise he wouldn't be with you.
Now, I do find his keeping these videos a little uncommon. I suppose this is the equivalent of saving porn to a hard disk, though perhaps he went too far. It's one thing to look at porn and it's a different thing to shoot it yourself. But then I don't know if this is what's bothering you.
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A
female
reader, artistchick +, writes (15 February 2008):
artistchick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I destroyed those tapes!! I was very mad...
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (15 February 2008):
That was in the past. Whatever happened in the past, do not dig it up. Everyone has a past and it is best you let it go .
Would you feel better if you asked him to delete or throw them away?
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