A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello!I'll try and keep this brief!I've been chatting to a guy online for the last month, everyday. It first started off with 4 emails each everyday. Then as I've been off work it was more frequent, sometimes chatting for 5/6 hours etc.He works abroad but his home town isn't too far from where I live.I met him through an ex about 4 years ago.We've been facebook friends for 2 years. One day he emailed me, that's how the communication started.He was very prompt when he replied to me, soon as he would be online he would message me etc. He suggested to meet up and where we could go for the day etc etc.About 3 days ago, I was chatting to him for ages. For some silly reason I started waffling about what his views are on relationships, what he doesn't like about women etc. He still replied to those messages.I then ended up telling him that a friend wanted to meet up with me for fun! I told this guy that I said no to him but wouldn't say no to him. He said thanks, but you can see who ever you want. Which is fine. Spoke to him the following day, no issues.But then I've emailed him twice, he's not replied. He's been online and updated his status and didn't respond to me message... which only said 'Hey'.I don't get this... why has he gone quiet all of a suddent?Thank you for reading and your time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): Hi.
Thank you for your replies.
I have met this guy in the flesh! That was through a mutual friend.
I've not chatted to him as constant online as I have in the last couple of months. I wasn't looking for a relationship and was happy with his friendship.
However, it was him.who suggested to meet and go to a place which I would say has a romantic setting eg river, fields nice scenery etc.
He also asked me what type of guy I go for and I told him.
Im not a fan of online chat and would never chat to someone I don't know.
I just seem to have got to know this guy better this way.
He seemed pretty genuine before, but as I said I've still not heard from him. He's not deleted me and vicar versa.
It just seems that after the last conversation but one, I obviously came across wrong.
In relation to the other guy asking me out... its not something I would class as a date he was just after sex. And I'm not that type of person.
Still confused, but I'm sure he has his reasons, what they are I don't know.
Ps. Thanks again for your time guys and girls. Not sure if the additional info makes a difference to your opinions.
:-)
A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Let me get this right...
You are telling us that you've been chatting online for 2 years with a guy you've never met in the flesh. Have the opportunity to meet a guy in the flesh and turn him down for someone on a monitor. Whoa.. that's kinda freaky..
Especially when the guy says, date any guy you want.
If I was the chat guy I'd be thinking "this woman has a think for a guy in a MS window, but won't date a guy in the flesh, she has to have some major issues going on"
I say forget the window and get out the door..
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 IMHO it was not a good idea to mention that this other man wanted to meet you and that you said "no" but you wouldn't say "no" to your online friend. I mean, everyone is entitled to have friends of the opposite sex, but I don't know that I'd go "advertising" it so to speak. Although if he knows the man who asked you out, that's a bit different...
Before that you were asking him about his views on relationships, what he doesn't like about women, etc. If those two incidents weren't telling him you want a relationship - beyond friendship - with him, then I don't know what is. A pretty strong hint, it would seem to me.
Well, he didn't take the hint. Unless two people have mutually agreed to date each other exclusively, they are both free to date whoever else they want. Short of you two having such an agreement, what else did you expect him to say? Seriously? "No, I'd rather you didn't meet this other man"? He could hardly have said that, now could he?
He probably felt a bit akward about those two comments from you.....although, I must say he seemed to like you, emailing frequently and at considerable length, or he wouldn't have done so.
I must say that with my English friend, as thoroughly enjoyable as our Skype "video visits", IMs and meetings in person when I'm over there are, the norm for us (and has been) is to be online once or twice a week - though one of those is usually for an hour or so. I find I stay pretty busy most of the time with different activities, and between his job and looking after his elderly Mother, he's busy too......but everyone is different, of course.
In short, I don't know what to tell you. Except perhaps to just not contact your friend for a while. See if he does eventually get in touch. If he doesn't after a week or two, then you might consider sending a brief hi, how are you message. Hopefully he'll respond.
If he does not, then I don't see what more you can do.....
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A
female
reader, Justtryingtohelp +, writes (17 March 2011):
 He could be going through something right now and possibly just doesn't have the strength to carry out a strong conversation with you.
I've had this happen to me before, turns out there was a member of family in hospital.
Or he could very well be thinking about how he feels about you two and whether to pursue anything.
Ask him about it lightly, if he carries on being off, demand an explanation.
If that fails, maybe it's time to move on.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (17 March 2011):
 He got to know the basics of who you are, and then decided maybe a relationship won't be a good idea because of the distance. He knows you are looking elsewhere so you shouldn't bother with him when another guy can offer you more by being close to you and more available to you. Yes you said no to the other guy but it doesn't matter because another guy would come along and make you say yes. Why would he talk to you so much at the beginning? Probably because he's lonely. People count on the hope that if you are soul mates, distance does not matter but reality is that your soul mate could be living one block away from you, so why pick the one who lives abroad when love can be closer than you think?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): Why if you are single are you turning down dates? Your pen pal online is content with just being friends and it won't lead anywhere and you'll hear from him again so he can tell you why he wasn't social for a day.
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