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female
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anonymous
writes:Hi,I really dont know where to start, and I know there are so many simular questions posted on here, but if someone has the time to answer I would be very gratefull.I have been with my partner for nearly 7 years, we are planning to get married soon. I love him very much, but I just dont know whats up with him. He's gone off sex completly, in fact he hardly shows any affection at all..the odd cuddle here and there but thats about it! Last year I had cancer, and put on quite a bit of weight because of all the treatment, so I thought it was because of that, but he says its not that. I am trying really hard to lose the weight gain, and I will in time. We have a lovely little house, but there is a lot of pressure at work (we work together) and if we lose our jobs we would lose the house. But I dont care after last year, nothing seems as bad as dying!I keep asking him "what's up" does he want someone else, or does he want to split up with me..but he just keeps saying "NO"He says he is worried about work, but then so am I, and I'm not pushing him away. I just dont know what to do anymore
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): Hi, Thank you all very much for your answers. I am doing my best to lose weight and have started an excersise class too. I am not going to ask him anymore, and see what happens. I offered to finish our relationship if he is not happy, because after last year, I cannot deal with anymore upset in my life.He laughed and said he didnt want to, and that I am over-reacting. So he is either lying, or maybe he really is stressed, and thats whats putting him off. Either way I will try to do something positive with my life, I didnt go though all that just to spend the rest of my life in misery. I dont think anyone deserves that. I sound like I'm strong, but beieve me Im not. I would be devastated for us to finish, but I dont think anyone should stay with a person out of pity. Thank you so much again. xxx
A
male
reader, Ronnie70 +, writes (3 August 2011):
 There may be many reasons, or causes, depending upon how you perceive the problem. Stress is certainly one of them; if so it's a matter of finding out what's causing stress and alleviating it if possible.
Performance anxiety maybe? He could be worried that he might not get an erection when he needs one, which is sufficient to cause the problem in the first place.
You say you've put on weight - which is unfortunate - but if the amount of weight gain is huge he might not find you attractive despite his assurances to the contrary. He would be a totally insensitive man if he were to tell you the extra flab puts him off sex in the circumstances, but that could be the reason. There's no correct answer to the question 'Does my arse look big in this?' if you're looking for a truthful answer.
He could be worried that he might somehow harm you and cause the cancer to reappear.
Don't push it, just continue to cuddle up at night without expecting anything else and hopefully your sex life will get back on an even keel. Just one successful encounter will be enough to boost his confidence - and yours too.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (3 August 2011):
I know that if you get out of shape, too much food, just a bit too much alcohol, lack of exercise, add to that pressure at work and a wife that wants to make you feel good, well it just gets too much for a guy! You could try doing sports or dance classes together, break the rut, find quality time for each other and relax. Pressure in all ways is a real turn off.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): Hi - I don't want to worry anyone.. I was with my boyfriend for 6 years and I always had to ask for Sex and were late 20's.. It was horrible and made me feel so unattractive. I would ask all the time what's wrong and his excuses were work / stress...
Then one night he admitted that the spark had gone and he doesnt know what he wants anymore..
Then a few days later he finished with me.. I found out he was seeing someone else within a few weeks.
This isn't always the case of course but honestly what man (if he fancies you) would turn down sex. Be honest with yourselves
x
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A
female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (3 August 2011):
wow I honestly thought I was the only women dealing with this issue. I feel the exact same way as you, i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and its like i have to beg for sex.. i sometimes feel like its me and maybe iam just not attractive to him, but when i ask he says no,,, he says he is tired becuase of work ,before it was cause he was stressed cause he did not work and now its that he is to tired,i get so confused ... i read that many men lose there sex drive at a young age, my bf is 27, they also say stress could be a factor to no sex drive but i know how you feel, because we all need love and affection . dont worry its not u dont let yourself think that, i used to think that alot it got to the point where i was so depressed and kept telling myself i was ugly but its him and what he is going thru. just let him know how you feel and things will get better :)....i wish you the best and just know that your not alone
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