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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi,I have a very dear lady friend, whom i have harboured feelings for for over a year now. At first she seemedinterested, but now says that she values me so much as a friend, she would be devasted to lose me. She says that she always messes guys about, not returning calls, saying nasty things etc. She has never doneso with me and frankly I think the problem is the type of guys she goes out with.Everytime I see her she is talking about some guy she has met and how much they are texting eachother. She calls them when she gets back from nights out with me. This may be way past midnight. This kind of makes me jealous, though I'm not the jealous kind normally. I let it wash over me.We have been away for a weekend together to Rome, nothing happened between us. She said no one has ever treated her so well as me. If I make any tentative move, she just takes it as a joke. Deep down, is she just comparing every guy with me until she realises they isn't anyone better than me for her?.What is going on in her mind?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2006): You just got sucked into the "friend trap." As shania said, you are a friend to her, and that's it. You'll probably never be anything more. I'd recommend moving on. Women seek very different qualities in lovers and friends, and you're a friend right now. You'll probably never be anything more than that. Either accept her friendship or stop talking to her. If you want romance, you're going to need to look someplace else.
A
male
reader, d4u04  +, writes (20 March 2006):
 I don't think she's comparing guys to you, I think she thinks you're just the best friend figure who will be there to have fun with and when she needs you, which is great, but these feelings you have for her are obviously getting to you and she hasn't picked up on the hints, so just sit her down and tell her directly, explain your feelings and how you don't want it to ruin your friendship. even if it turns out to be unrequited at least you'll know where you stand and can forge out a new relationship with her, be it lovers or just friends again, it's better than wondering what if...
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (20 March 2006):
 She values you as a friend and thats all.If she felt anything else then im sure she would of made it plain by now.Its difficult when you have feelings for someone but they dont feel the same.I think the best bet is to accept her friendship and look elsewhere because while you are hanging on to her....hoping she will change her mind,you are missing out on potential girlfriends that are out there.Good luck.
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