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female
,
anonymous
writes: hello......i have been dating an older man.67yrs olds to be exact and i am 63 yrs. old. he is an outdoors man and loves to hunt and fish. i don't mind if he fishes or hunts locally but he goes away for at least 2 nights and sometimes a week. i miss him so much. this man is so good to me and i feel really bad for not wanting him to go away to fish and hunt. but i was in an emotionally abusive marriage for 40 yrs. my husband traveled with his job and never wanted to let me go with him on these trips. i have emotional scars from this. i loved this man that i was married to so much. he dies a few years ago and the man that i have been dating steady for 16 months lost his wife after 31 yrs of her illness. i can't get enoght of this mans love since i didn't have much from my husband. he does not want to lose his freedom since he was so tied down with his sick wife. however he did get to fish and hunt right much because after his businss trips each month he stayed and enjoyed these activities. i want to get engaged and married but he hesitates because he knows that i don't like these trips out of town. i don't care if he fishes and hunts locally. he can do this 7 days a week....it really does not bother me. he also has a problem.he does not know how to tell these people no. how can i deal with this problem. i don't want to lose him but i am miserable when he goes on these trip. i want to go with him and this is when he tell me that these are men trips. i tell him that he should tell these people that he and i are going and if they want to come it will be o. k. he tells me that they will not come if they know that i am coming with him. if we could get engaged i woould have someting to keep me busy.cleaning out my apartment that i would be vacating if we got married. i get upset because he always gets his way by going on these trips but i want to get engaged and married and he discounts this as somehthing i want. please advise as he is getting ready to take a trip by the end of this week. thanks
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male
reader, d4u04  +, writes (20 March 2006):
 Well this may be hard to see but the silver lining in all of this is at least it's only 2 days, it could be much longer. It's completely understandable that you miss him and in fact it's very sweet but occasionally people do just need time with their friends, without the proverbial ball and chain. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong because you're really not but I do think that you biting your tongue about this will help nobody as I'm guessing he doesn't know just how much this is affecting you. Telling him you're upset or annoyed is neither here nor there because it can be dismissed as nagging but you really need to hammer the point home and I'm sure you can find a happy medium and a situation that suits both of you. Even if it does mean you feeling slightly lonely now and then if it keeps your relationship healthy. To get over periods of loneliness, why not join a book club or something to that effect? There is always something of interest that you can get involved in somewhere in your area, wherever you live.
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