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male
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anonymous
writes: I got married to my girlfriend of two years back in August. Since soon after the marraige things started to go a little strange, and she began to doubt her feelings for me.Over the last couple of months, she started to express a lack of attraction towards me, and her difficulty in being intimate with me. She explained things to me about why I'm unnatractive, but I never really understood it, I just took it to heart as criticism, and became dispondant and edgy. Now, after just 7-8 months of marriage she has left, and declared she doesn't feel anything for me, and that any future we had is now irrelevant. This has thrown me into a spiral of self-destruction and attempted suicide. I lost my job just before she left, and this was the last straw. Now she won't talk to me and everything has become hostile over selling the house etc. I went to my GP and have been diagnosed as suffering from depression, based on whats happened and after doing some soul searching, I've realised that I've been getting more and more depressed for quite some time, and this has been the cause of her losing interesting, I just never found a voice for it. I think the stress of getting married and buying the house, as well as my dad passing away in November aggrivated the condition, I'm still unable to face up to coming to terms with it. Before the problems, we had a very good relationship, and we were very close. I recently found out that she has a new boyfriend, after only a week or two of being seperated, and that really hurts. I keep texting and can't seem to let go, but I feel that the marraige is surely worth fighting for. We're both young, but had solid plans for the future, until this happened. I'm sure that her lack of response is from anger. I sent her a message today expalining how I feel and that I've been down for some time, and that's why I started acting like a pansy, and I don't know if she wll answer or not.I'm on 75mg Anti depressants, or will be as soon as I get the cash to pick up the prescription, the house is becoming a tip, and i'm destroying myself. I feel that I can't get through without her support. I feel that as my wife, she should stand by me, but at the same time I don't blame her for running a mile - we've been married for 8 month, and for 7 months of it, she's felt like an old woman! I just want her to give us time and effort, I know she doesn't love me right now, but it we work at this together, and get some help, we can surely get back to the great relationship we had before all this started to happen.At the moment, I'm boucnign from day to day, and can't leave her alone, any advice I can get other than the obvious "More fish in the sea" or "Give her space and she'll come running back" - unless that's truely best advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2006): You are lucky!I am leaving my husband after 28 years feeling less than attracted to him. You have your whole life in front of you and although it doesn't seem like it now, you will move on. I wish I had had the courage to do it years ago instead of being 'unselfish' and too soft. Although I would like to give him 'my support' sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, otherwise it just makes the pain linger on and give false hope.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (20 March 2006):
 I think the first thing you need to do is think about alternative sources of support. I am thinking friends and family now, other people you know who will be there for you, listern to you and help you out. I can't disagree with the notion that she needs to be given space. She ran from this situation in the first place and she is unlikely to respond to your pleas for help now no matter how desperate they become.
Sorry but that is the truth. You are not wrong to expect or want support from her, it is only natural to seek such support from those you love. Whether she will give that support or not is however a totally different matter. You need to look at it this way, making yourself better is the only way you will ever have a chance with her again. Focusing on yourself and what you need to do is the only way back to even her friendship.
You need people around you who are willing to talk to you, listern to you and help you. In pushing yourself on her you are torturing yourself in a way and as said above that has to stop for you to get back on your feet. You have taken so many steps forward in admitting that you have problems but there are steps after that.
Hope that helps.
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