A
male
age
,
*artinG
writes:Here's my story. I have this great woman who I love so much. I would feel dead inside without her, that's how much I love her. BUT, why can't I fantasize about her when I masterbate? I think about younger girls and their cute small breasts or past gf's and their great body parts. I have a prefernece for small breasted woman and my beautiful gf is large.But I myself am confused on why this is happening to me? I told her one night that no matter how hard I try, I couldn't bring her up in my head and the look of pain on her face broke my heart.Guys could it be because I really love this woman so much?PLEASE tell me what I can tell her because even though she didn't fight with me, she feels she isn't my fantasy woman.Is this normal?
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male
reader, honestman  +, writes (6 April 2011):
Yes, that totally makes sense.
A
male
reader, MartinG +, writes (6 April 2011):
MartinG is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are all great. I have had many relationships and for some reason fantasizing about them when I was with them was pretty normal to me. But this woman is so special, maybe that's why? She is beautiful, guys all stare at her and I myself am nothing to look at. I really can't understand why she fell in love with me.So maybe I can't fantasize about her because of the emotional connection? I can't think of her sexually to get myself off because if I start thinking about her, I start to think of how much I miss her.does that make sense to other guys?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): Well I think you answered your own question. Physically, she is just not your fantasy "dream" type. But you love her for other reasons. And love usually has alot to do with other reasons besides physique.
It is unfortunate, of course, because ideally we would all like to be in love with a person we are really attracted to. Sexual compatibility is definitely a perk. But as you see, it is totally possible to love someone who doesn't fit the criteria. Unfortunately you find yourself fantasizing about other women and you feel guilty and unnerved understandably. I think the other posters gave you valuable advice when it comes to communicating with your lady. There are some things you should keep to yourself and a little white lie here and there never hurt anybody and may instead prevent anger, hurt and frustration.
As for her not fitting into your fantasy, why don't you try looking at it from a different angle. Variety is the spice of life. I mean I have dated all sorts of guys, different shapes and sizes. And I have been attracted to each of them. Try to open your mind to exploring the sexuality/attraction in her body type. And everytime your thoughts go back to that one body type remind yourself that you are limiting yourself. Homogeneity is boring.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): Dude, fantasising about your own girlfriend/wife aint right! That's one of the hallmarks of being in a serious relationship! No married man thinks about his wife when masturbates, that's just not what happens... sure at the start of the relationship you do it but after a few months/years its only natural to stop.Secondly, you don't ever EVER tell your wife/girlfriend that she's not the star in your fantasy. If she asks you say you've never thought about anyone else since you first saw her and the mere thought of her naked drivers you wild. It's a white lie and married men live by them.On the subject of white lies here are a few you may want to memorise:- Does this dress look good on me? Answer: Yes darling you look stunning- Do these shoes go with the dress? Answer: I think so but you're a better judge of these things- Have I put on weight? Answer: Darling you have the most amazing figure in the world, stop being silly.- Do you ever fantasise about other women? Answer: No, since I met you I haven't thought about anyone else- Do you think she's pretty ? Answer: I suppose she's attractive in a way, she's got nothing on you thoughtetc etc etc
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A
male
reader, MartinG +, writes (5 April 2011):
MartinG is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCould it be because I really don't love her in a womanly way? do other guys know for a fact they love their gf/wife for sure and yet can't think of them in their private moments? My gf does not have my fantasy girl body but I know I love her because when we have been apart because of a fight, I have been beyond miserable and couldn't stop thinking about her.
I am so confused and as a man I should be able to understand my own feelings. But I am so baffled as why I can't think of her.
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A
male
reader, honestman +, writes (5 April 2011):
You don't have to feel bad if you can't fantasize with your girlfriend. I do fantasize with my girlfriend because she has been my only girlfriend.
It was actually a bad idea of telling her you don't fantasize with her. You should tell her you fantasize about her, even if it is not true. Don't worry, she'll never find out what you are imagining unless you tell her.
Try making the effort of thinking about her naked, or giving you pleasure. Then tell her you are making the effort, and if you felt great, tell her so.
A woman will feel bad about herself if you don't fantasize about her. Some are insecure about their appearance.
Some things you should keep to yourself.
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