A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m a 34 year old, single, straight female and I’m in a real predicament as to how the opposite sex view me.I’m quite a sociable person so I have a large mix of friends but I also have a large group of close male friends of a similar age group to me. Five of them I consider to be my closest pals and with one or two of them i exchange flirty banter, go out for dinner with and see every couple of days. What I don’t understand is why none of them seem to be interested in me romantically. They all seem to be happy to introduce me to friends and family, spend time with me, confide in me and seek advice. They moan about their love lives to me but I don’t think they ever think of me as a potential partner and I don’t understand why....
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2018): You mentioned one major factor that is sometimes a common reason guys may not consider dating a lady. You say you make more money than they do. They would just assume you would prefer a different caliber of guy. More professional and able to keep-up with you financially. Some guys egos don't allow them to date women who have more education or earn more than they do. It's an insecurity and sometimes it's just chauvinistic or out-dated thinking.
Many women won't date guys who earn a lot less than they do, and don't mind letting a guy know it. For practical reasons, it's best they don't. With some exceptions of course.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 July 2018):
 Of course the dynamics change when they have a GF, that is pretty normal, OP They probably also see less of their male friends in the beginning of a new relationship.
You should no longer BE their focus, the GF should be. But... if they totally drop you when they are dating someone, they don't introduce you to the new GF or include you in group events, then they are just shitty friends.
And yes you ARE doing something of a "GF-routine".
The flirty banter, having one-on-one dinners, confiding in you, asking advice, cinema trips.. while none of it is ROMANTIC with you, it would be with a GF. So when they are single YOU are the "non-romantic stand in". Whether you like it or not.
The reason they "drop you" when they have a GF is to avoid drama. Most women are NOT over the moon with their new partner having out A LOT with another female, whether it's totally platonic or not.
The thing is OP, if you have realized that none of them are interested in you romantically, what ARE you doing to look for an actual partner? You obviously have a lot to give a potential partner, so why not look for one (OUTSIDE your circle of male friends)?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI’m definitely not trying to do a girlfriend routine. What does bother me though is that these friends hang around with me (nothing has ever happened) but when they get girlfriends The dynamic changes and they suddenly don’t want to do outings to the cinema etc. If they were treating me as a friend like any other it shouldn’t matter whether I’m male or female.
I don’t think they see me as a tomboy because I’m not, I can hold my own in a conversation, do banter, I’m quite mellow, have a good career and I earn more money than they do. But never dating material...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2018): If they were attracted to you in the romantic-sense; they wouldn't have become friends. You would have started-out dating.
Guys can find you attractive, quite sexy, and doable sex-wise; but you are not their type, or they know you may deserve someone better. You may possess better qualities and traits; than the type of women they usually screw and mess-over.
Guys sometimes like you so much, they'd rather not subject you to the crappy-type of boyfriend they would make. They know you're a cool lady, they trust you; but they also know you deserve a different kind of guy.
If you are interested in a guy, and if he instantly puts you in the friend-zone, don't stay there. Move on. If he travels in your circle of friends; then venture out into unknown territory, and be visible and available until someone sees you the way you want to be seen.
Don't act like one of the guys, unless you want to be treated like one of the guys. If you let them treat you like they treat the boys, instead of a girl; they lose consciousness of your femininity, and adopt you as an honorary one of the boys.
Guys make distinctions by stereotypes; and if they note a girl knows more about working-out, cars, can spout more sports-statistics than they can, and are too knowledgeable of typical guy-stuff. A little switch goes-off in their brains. They see Tomboy, not girl.
My niece is a very pretty girl. She's an engineer. She can take mechanical things apart; and put them back together again. She's a math-wiz. Does car repairs for family-members. Growing up, she played with boys, and liked boy's toys. Didn't make friends well with girls. They bored her. Yet as a teenager, she liked makeup and dresses. All the guys in her college engineering classes treated her like a guy. Except an Army captain she met on a work-assignment. They got married last year. All he sees is a woman.
A guy who is a truly a platonic-friend, never crosses the line. It's out of respect, and to maintain your trust. To let you know you're safe with him; and it's truly friendship, not a ploy to get into your underwear.
Your male-friends are not your convenient on-the-spot dating-pool. They're your friends. That's it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 July 2018):
Because they understand the difference between a friendship and romance. OR... they might just have another type of woman in mind when it comes to GF/partners.
The SUREST and FASTEST way to ruin a friendship is to add romance.
Why are YOU not looking for men to date instead of doing this "gf-routine" with male friends who are obviously NOT into you romantically?
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