A
male
age
30-35,
*rans Am Man
writes:Ok so this is kinda complicated. There's this girl that I've known since she was born, we'll call her connie and I'm in love with her. She is my best friend's sister, we'll call him Ted and I know things will NEVER happen between us. It's kinda complicated, we both have the same sister, we'll call her Rachel but we aren't related in any way at all. You see at one point in time my mom was married to her dad, they had my Rachel, and got a divorce. My mom then hooked up with my dad and had me. Her dad hooked up with her mom and they had Connie and Ted. So her dad is my Rachel's dad and my mom is Rachel's mom. Yea it's complicated but back to the story. Connie's almost exactly 3 years younger than me My birthday is April 6, hers is April 8. I'll be 17 on my next birthday and Connie'll be 14. I've tried everything to get her out of my head but I just can't stop thinking about her. I've been in love with her since Summer 2008 and she did know about it but things weren't the same between us so I told her that I didn't like her that way anymore and things got back on track and we were good friends again for a while until recently when I said something sexual about her, but I didn't say it to her face, someone told her and she's been kinda treating me different since. Things were really good between us before this. I mean she actually cared about how I was feeling and stuff. But she does alot of things that make me extremly mad. If I try to touch her, and I don't mean sexaully, if she's like sad or something I try to make her feel better and I'll put my hand on her shoulder or something and she pulls away like I'm going to rape her or something. It used to be a whole lot worse. When she knew I liked her she wouldn't let me do anything for her. For example, one time Connie, Ted, Ted's GF, her cousin, and I were all staying the night at her Ted's GF's Grandpa's house and Connie had a jar of pickles she couldn't get open so she brought it into the living room and asked everyone if they could open it no one could get it so I told her to let me try, she would not give me the jar, instead she went and woke up Ted's GF's Grandpa and made him do it. I know some of this sounds whiney but It's been on my chest since summer 2008. I've apologized to her for the sex stuff. I just don't understand why she doesn't like me. I mean she does like me but for some reason not in that way. I mean it would seem like she would like me in that way because she likes everthing about me, she loves my car, I make her laugh all the time, I'm the only one that's nice to her ALL the time. Her brother and cousin call her a whore all the time and her parents don't do shit for her. Her boyfriend is sexually abusive. They never have sex but he's always touching her and stuff. I've thretened to kill more than one of her boyfriends because of that reason. I compliment her all the time, I tell she's pretty or something and then she's usually mad at me for a couple of days. I've told her before that she can talk to me about anything anytime she needed to talk.So pretty much I just need to know why she doesn't like me. And if there's a chance of us going out one day. Thanks for any advice.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): It sounds like she is the victim of sexual abuse more than once.
This is a bad situation. The truth is she will probably be attracted to abusive people much more than nice people now.
She doesn't like sexual things with you because she probably doesn't connect sexuality with anyone she likes at all. She will probably be ready to do sexual things with someone who treats her badly.
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 I don't think there is a chance. I think you should go back to trying to convince YOURSELF there is no future. It's possible she thinks of you as a brother. If so, this would explain her feelings of discomfort with your affection.
Stop telling her she is pretty. Stop treating her as though you have romantic feelings. She is uncomfortable with that, for whatever reason. She isn’t interested in you.
It will take discipline initially. You CAN do it, though. You just have to pretend there are no feelings and eventually, there will be none.
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