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Why doesn't my husband tell his ex to finalise the divorce papers...?

Tagged as: Family, Long distance, Marriage problems, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 6 February 2009)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Alright my husband is doing time. A lot of time. He has 5 more years to go. I did 13 years with him already and married him in there. (don't bash me for this.)

He started using drugs in 1991 when he met this other lady who was an addict. She was a very pretty woman and he told me they had great chemistry together. I met him in 1989 but he was not using drugs, had his own business and was doing great. He was married with two little kids. His ex couldn't deal with him never being home and left him with the two kids and moved to her parents home.

We had our ups and downs in the beginning of our marriage and I left him in 1999 for 2 years. He understood because he had to overcome his drug problem and he did.

He says if a man can not change in there, they can not change when they come home.

Our marriage has been great for years but there is one thing - he never got the divorce papers finalized when the ex sent him the action for divorce in 1994. I have the copy. I didn't know that a divorce has a final decree back then. We got married and it was overlooked.

It is now many years later and I told him to contact his two kids with the ex that it isn't to late and he final starting calling his ex's house. She never moved on. He has been calling his ex for 2 years now and it is I think out of hand. It is all the time now. He told me she will always be in his life. He hesitates about telling her I want to send her the papers. He tells me it will get done but there seems to be something that he is with holding.

They have no property together. The children are 23 and 21.

They do not want to meet me. She didn't even want them to know about me or for them to know they have a 1/2 sister in Florida who is 18.

My husband knows he made a mistake. He made a 180 degree change. He says dope is the devil's drug. He tried his best when he wrote his daugther a letter last year about me because she emailed me a hateful email and they didn't want to hear it. As a matter of fact the ex didn't even want to speak to him for 2 months he told me. Now I feel he is having an emotional affair with the ex. He called which I can check last week 1 hour on Tuesday, 1 hour on Wed. last Friday night it's every week. Now I shouldnt be speaking to him. I should hang up on him when he calls, but I can not do this.

He knows that it bothers me that he calls there often. His kids are never home he tells me. His ex is good friends with his mother that lives on the west coast. His mother doesn't speak to me because years ago when I was living in his mom's house I cheated on him but he was lying to me about using drugs and he didn't seem happy with me. He was more interested in the drugs.

He tells me there is nothing romantically or physical with her. She comes to visit him with their daughter but not often. Only 2 times last year. His father past away and he is making his mom something that he got his ex involved with and has been calling there. He tells me when he calls but there was many times he didn't tell me. I feel he is having an emotional affair. He tells me deal with it.

I am so stressed, so sick and disgusted over this whole thing. He made me t his beautiful thing that took him 4 months day and night to do. When I ask him to do something for me he says anything for you. I know he is in love with me cause he said nothing they will say not her, nor my daugther will ever change the way I feel about you but then what is going on with him not being able to tell her about the papers. I am so sick.

View related questions: affair, divorce, drugs, his ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

It seems to not bother him... He doesnt care cause it hasn't come up at all and against him.

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A male reader, ArmyMedic United Kingdom +, writes (5 February 2009):

ArmyMedic agony auntThis is a little worrying have you explained that technically he is still married to this woman and you which makes him a bigamist, which can earn him more time locked up!

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