A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello.I have been dating this girl for almost a month already. I usually spend at least 1 day a week with her because we both go to different schools. I can tell she feels the same way I feel about her.She has told me before that she has had several relationships with other people in the past. This would be my first time being in a relation so i might not know much. I cant help but think to myself sometimes if she is a virgin or not.Recently on our last date I asked her if she was a virgin and she did not reply. She just told me if it would change anyting between us and then i didnt know what to say.I dont know what to do. Should I keep asking her or wait until she tells me? What if she doesnt tell me?Would it change anything between us? Why wouldnt she want to to tell me?I know the only way to ever find out if she is a virgin is if she tells me.Please help and thank you. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (27 January 2011):
In the first place: Right now there's no way you can know whether she is or she is not. Some people is afraid to say they are virgins. Other people is afraid to say they aren't.Most people won't answer that question in just one month of relationship.The problem here is that your rush for finding out looks like a flag (to me), telling you are not going to take it easy if she isn't.(From the text of your question) I assume you are a virgin and knowing she had sex before will put you into problems. You will start wondering if she will compare you with her ex's and that.If that happens to be true. I agree the best you can do is finding out whether she's a virgin or not. Before getting emotionally involved.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): "Why shound the boy be expected to forfeit his first chance to make the right decision for himself just because someone else wants a second chance?"
What are you on about? Where does he mention decisions or second chances or any of the bullshit you just stated. 1 month.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): "It would only change things if you gave a crap, which you really shouldn't."
I call bullshit on this. Everyone has the chance to lose their virginity once, to who they want, when they want to. Why shound the boy be expected to forfeit his first chance to make the right decision for himself just because someone else wants a second chance?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): "Should I keep asking her or wait until she tells me?" No and yes.
"What if she doesnt tell me?" Why would that matter?
"Would it change anything between us?" Well would you care if she was or she wasn't a virgin? It would only change things if you actually gave a crap, which you really shouldn't.
"Why wouldnt she want to to tell me?" Because when she asked you if it would change anything between you, you couldn't answer, so now she's afraid that if she does tell you then it will change things.
Dude you're with her less than a month, and if you've only met her once a week then you've only met her 3-4 times.
Why are you so hung up on this? Does it actually matter to you whether she is or not?
Give it time, don't push her to answer this, she'll tell you when she's ready. But first figure whether it matters to you or not, because her fear is that it might put you off her, as long as she feels that fear she's not going to open up to you. Because you asking her about it and then not being able to tell her if it would change anything has given her the impression that this matters to you too much.
You see she's now stuck dude, because she doesn't know if this matters, so if she says she is then you might have a problem with her being inexperienced, if she says she's not then you might think less of her because of that. How is she to know?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 January 2011):
 You've been dating a month. Give her time. This isn't a topic you should be pushing. Well, unless all you care about is sex, because that's what it will prove to her if you do push the issue.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 You need to wait until she tells you. You could tell her that you are curious and want to know, but that you will wait until she feels ok to tell you.
Virginity or not, it's a private subject. Perhaps she feels she doesn't know you well enough yet, or maybe she worries you want sex out of her, so she wants to get to know you better before you even talk about things like that. Or probably she feels that if you start to talk about sex it will complicate the relationship. Or that the relationship isn't ready to talk about those things yet. I know you just want to know if she's a virgin or not... but the point is that this is a conversation that leads up to talking about sex. And by the sound of it she's not ready to go there yet and talk about it.
Give it more time. A month is not a lot of time, and you see each other only once a week or so. It's not enough time to get to know a person, so be patient and she will tell you when the time is right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): She's probably uncomfortable with telling you the truth hence she didn't answer your question. If she were a virgin, I guess she'd just tell you. But the thing is you like her so whatever's happened in the past doesn't matter. Hope it helps :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Listen i understand u want to know if she is a virgin or not incase u two do something yeah it would help but would it make a diffrence in the way u feel about her it shouldnt she will still be the same girl u know that u love so when she asked u about would it make u feel diffrent between u to u should have said no exactly when she finished but with no that tells her im positive it eont change how i feel about u
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (18 January 2011):
It sounds like she might not be a virgin. Why would you want to "keep asking her"? That's an incredably personal question to try and get out of someone. She obviously doesn't feel comfortable talking about it so I think you should go easy on her, and I am sure when she trusts you more she will open up and talk to you about it. Also don't make her feel pressured either as she could just lie and tell you she's a virgin, even if she isn't. Look at it this way, she's had several other relationships so the chances are, something has happened. But take things more slowly and don't keep asking her about something she is uncomfortable about.
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