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Why doesn't my friend want to talk about the past? And which boy does my heart belong to?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Teenage, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 February 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 28 February 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *ilish writes:

Hey, Need your help again.

So, last year, there used to be a lad (Luke) who was totally in love with me. He spoke to me everyday and always said he loved me. He did this everyday for a year but I never responded because I didn't want to ruin our friendship, as we were best friends. We used to spend so much time together, and I used to like him so much, but I didn't want to lose him as a friend and therefore lose him out of my life. I think I loved him too.

Anyway he moved on, and got with a girl called Heidi. I must admit, I was very upset when this happened. Our friendship totally deteriorated, and we didn't speak much anymore. He always used to offer me lifts places though, and text me. I told him I was sorry and I did love him, but I hope he was happy. He told me he loved his new girlfriend, but would always have a soft spot for me. He also kept saying 'but you never know what will happen in the future' whenever I said I was moving on. Anyway, that was the last time, and his girlfriend hated him speaking to me.

Anyway, I've got a boyfriend now. But earlier today Luke drove past me. And he text me saying 'have I just drove past you?' and our conversation carried on from there. He told me he'd split with Heidi after 6 months. Then he brought the past up saying 'I'm sorry about everything' and he then said 'lets not talk about it shall we?' Why doesn't he want to talk about it?

Trust me I think a lot of my boyfriend, I've been with him 6 months. But Luke has always been in the back of my mind, and I think always will be. What does this mean? I'm so confused. Please help. Who do I love?! :(

View related questions: best friend, text

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A female reader, lucylu000 United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2011):

You're friend seems like he's only interested when it suits him. Sometimes someone can be an amazing friend but not a great partner. Ask yourself, if he loved you as much as he said why didn't he chose to be with you when you told him how you felt? It seems like he's interested again now you're with someone, maybe he's just interested in the chase. If he cared for you like he said then he wouldn't of lost your friendship just to be with another girl.

I suggest speaking to him openly, ask him why he won't talk about what happened. It could be that he's ashamed of how he behaved and he knows he treated you wrong. Sometimes people never like to face up to their mistakes and its easier to ignore them. Make it clear to him that he can't just pick and chose when he wants to be with you. Either he loves you or he doesn't. You can throw the word love about like that.

I hope this has helped, and that you get everything you want out of the situation. I don't think you just end your relationship with your current boyfriend for someone who wouldn't do the same for you. Good luck xx

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A female reader, StarryEyes101 United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2011):

StarryEyes101 agony auntWell, he wasn't much of a friend when he picked his girlfriend over his best friend was he? And your current boyfriend has stuck by you and everything is good? I think you are with the right one hon. Sure there's no harm in talking to him, but I think that's where you should leave it incase it heads in the same direction. Hope that helps

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