A
female
age
36-40,
*utexomami69
writes:i have a boyfriend who i love and he loves me to and i wouldnt try to change him in anyway..!i like guys and girls and i have dealt with females my whole life but slowed down at 19... (im 23) but a few months ago i told my bf i like girls and he seemef okay with it..i have been asking him to have a 3 some (ffm) but i havent and wont do anything behind his back and i never cheated on him since we been together for a year, but lately ive been having the urge to be with a female...my boyfriend doesnt like the idea and i wont do it behind his back but he wants to know how can accomodate me...and i cant tell him that i love him but theres nothing he can do to stop me from liking females..i want to know how can i accomodate him knowing that he doesnt feel comfortable with me being bisexual..!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): i appologize if i seemed like that at all. Just reassure him that you only want a relationship with him and that you just think the idea of a 3some would be a fun expierament for the both of you. Honestly everyone thinks about being with someone other then their significant other a few times in thier life. My boyfriend usually likes me to talk to him when i get urges to be with a girl. he doesn't like it but when i am open with him it makes him feel better. once again i appologize if i seemed at all offensive. I know how hard it can be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): i appologize if i seemed like that at all. Just reassure him that you only want a relationship with him and that you just think the idea of a 3some would be a fun expierament for the both of you. Honestly everyone thinks about being with someone other then their significant other a few times in thier life. My boyfriend usually likes me to talk to him when i get urges to be with a girl. he doesn't like it but when i am open with him it makes him feel better. once again i appologize if i seemed at all offensive. I know how hard it can be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): Story of my life!
me and my bf have been together a year and a half. he's the same way and doesnt care that i like girls more then guys (he's the only guy i have ever been attracted to). but he is always afraid that he will loose me to a girl. I have never asked for a 3some for this reaason (and because i don't like to share). But i have issues controling my urges to be with a girl. its expecially hard when i have some that throw themselves at me. honestly i dont know what to tell ya because im still trying to figure it out. but it always helps knowing you're not alone i guess. Best Wishes!
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female
reader, lovebird1  +, writes (17 June 2011):
To me this sounds like secretely, you want to push your boyfriend into accepting a threesome. You say you don't want to change him.. but is this really true?Accepting your bisexuality and accepting a threesome are two different pairs of shoes. Accepting your attraction to girls is also different from accepting having sex with other people.If I was your boyfriend, I'd probably feel like I'm not good enough, I'm not satisfying you, and this would hurt me and make me less accepting of who you are.I can also understand your side though, since I'm bisexual and I sort of have the idea that in a monogamous relationship, I'd be missing out on a part of my sexuality. But then, EVERYONE who's in a monogamous relationship misses out on a part of his sexual desires and possibilities. If a guy's with a blonde, he misses out on a dark haired and so on, although he may like both hair colours. I don't judge you for your desires. It's just, be honest. Don't try to save this relationship by making this problem his fault and trying to change him, and also don't force yourself to lead a lifestyle that doesn't suit you. Find out what you need right now and how you can work this out.
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female
reader, Cutexomami69 +, writes (17 June 2011):
Cutexomami69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni thank you guys for your responses, im surprised because you guys make me seem as though im a raging horny female demanding a 3 some, i just explained my situstion however i have never acted upon it and my bf and i have had this convetsation twice which never ended in an arguement..! i dont plan on going behind his back to do this period..!
i had asked how can i accomodate him in this situation and he asked me how he can do the same?
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (17 June 2011):
 Not every guy is a raging horndog. If he actually likes you for you, there's a good chance he'd be uncomfortable with the thought of you having sex with anyone besides himself - and that includes other girls in threesomes. I'd be willing to bet he's just as uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping with anyone besides you, even with your permission. He actually likes being a couple and likes you. Most threesomes I've heard of result in broken relationships, and he may have heard the same things.
I don't think he's worried too much about your bisexuality - although he may be concerned that now he has to keep an eye on everyone, rather than just on guys, from trying to steal you (even if he trusts in your loyalty absolutely, that doesn't mean he's going to be comfortable with others trying to steal you).
The best thing for his feelings would be to reassure him that he is more than enough for you and doesn't need to find a way to accommodate your attraction to girls. I couldn't say what the best thing for your feelings would be, but you need to figure it out and tell him. I strongly suspect trying to put perfume on him or get him to act out a female role in anyway would end very poorly, but if you can think of other ideas, they may work. Be open and honest with him, but at the same time try to reassure him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): It doesn't matter if it is another man, or another woman, it is still being 'unfaithful'.Maybe he isn't comfortable with that.He is also showing good judgement.What are you going to do when during the ffm threesome you end up watching your man doing another woman, being all excited by it, and then afterward you can't get that image out of your head and the reality of the image isn't as sexy and arousing as the fantasy about the idea.There should be a book written about how threesomes destroy relationships. It would have only 1 page of explanation, and a million of case illustrations.Threesomes destroys the intimacy between two people (which two is the question).By the way, this is a problem in the business world as well. Three partner business arrangements almost always fail, because if there is a disagreement it almost always ends up with one person being left out "alone". In relationships it is the same.
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reader, mrg123  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 Hiya,
I think your barking up the wrong tree here. I honestly don't think its your bisexuality he's not comfortable with. I think its the thought of you having sex with somebody else and this shows one thing, that he cares about you deeply, is committed to you and all that good stuff. Would his attitude be any different if you were proposing to have sex with another guy? I rather think not, by all means say otherwise but I really think your missing the point of his position here. Many people would not want a threesome but that has nothing to do with a hostility towards bi-sexuality.
I have had bi-sexual partners who I have cared about deeply and do you honestly think I would have wanted them with another girl or guy? The answer is no. So, where does that leave you? With a choice to make i'd say; firstly you have to realise what the true root of the problem is. This might help you realise that your boyfriend is not trying to deny or suppress your sexual identity as such. He is asking for your faithfulness which is something different.
You have to choose what matters more, your sexual urges of the love of and your commitment too your boyfriend. I would advise you to choose the former because that is more precious than a passing sexual urge. Sexual urges can be accommodated to a point without breaking commitment, for example, maybe you could discuss with him using appropriate pornography either on your own or as part of your sex life with him. If you find your not willing to forgo this urge, do that then I would question whether this type of committed relationship is right for you right now and that's probably another separate post. However, as always the choice is ultimately yours, I would say I think you really need to be clear about what is going on here so you can make an informed choice - were your boyfriend actually trying to suppress that side of you then I would sympathise with your position BUT as I say I don't think that's what is happening. Good luck and take care :)x
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