A
female
age
36-40,
*aM3La
writes:I love my bf 2 death i love him more than i ever loved anyone else in my whole entire life and i truly think he may b the "one" 4 me and he says he feels the same way about me..But last nite he said something that makes me doub his love 4 me.. We we in the middle of doing "something" and i said I LOVE U and he didnt say anything back. So when we wer done i asked him why i didnt hear at least an I LOVE U 2 from him and hes answer was that he feels like this i love u thing is gettin redundant and he likes it better when i just know it.. He said he doesnt feel like he has 2 say i love u all the time.. but i think when u really love someone u dont ever get tired of sayin it, at least i want 2 tell him all the time i love him..Am i overdoing this? am i overreactin? or does this means somethin else?Additional DetailsI tried telling him how important thats 2 me...and the reason why im looking 4 such a desperate answer 2 this question is because we r going to move in 2gether next month.. and i dont want 2 give this big step if hes not that into Reply to this Question
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female
reader, KaylaLeeann  +, writes (13 May 2009):
eh.. you're fine.. he's just a guy.
A
female
reader, PaM3La +, writes (13 May 2009):
PaM3La is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i know he loves me... at least i think he does, we've been 2gether for 8 months.. and we've been basically living 2gether after 2 months of bein in the relationship.. (i have my ouwn place and he was still living with his parents, and then he basically moved in with me)we knew each other long b4 we starter datin.. we met at work and we used 2 b really good friends.. he was in a relationship and i had a bf too.. then he broke up with his gf soon after he started working there and a few months after my bf and i split we were both single for like almost a year and then he decided to ask me out... we dated for about 2 months b4 decidin 2 have a relationship.. after the first month being 2gether he introduced me 2 his parents and then when thanksgiving came around i met the rest of his family (which i think its a good thing.. he wants something serious..or am i gettin it wrong??).... he started saying he loved me after the first month and i asked how can u say u love me in such a small amount of time and he said that it was cuz he liked me since we met and his feelings 4 me were growin every day since we met.. he said hes never dated a girl like me and that hes never felt the way he feels about me 4 nobody else b4, he said he loved me cuz he could totally b himself around me without any restrictions... is not like he doesnt tell me he loves me..he does.. he says it when we are on the phone when we are 2gether when he txts me..he says it all the time.. but it really threw me off last nite when he said "the i love u thing is gettin redundant" we had a talke not to long ago and he said that what he finds redundant is the "i love u 2" after i tell him.... but he didnt use to mind it b4.. why is that bothering him now? is he getting bored with the relationship? or he just asumes i know he loves me?? is the living 2gether thing ruin it?
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A
female
reader, PaM3La +, writes (13 May 2009):
PaM3La is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i know he loves me... at least i think he does, we've been 2gether for 8 months.. and we've been basically living 2gether after 2 months of bein in the relationship.. (i have my ouwn place and he was still living with his parents, and then he basically moved in with me)we knew each other long b4 we starter datin.. we met at work and we used 2 b really good friends.. he was in a relationship and i had a bf too.. then he broke up with his gf soon after he started working there and a few months after my bf and i split we were both single for like almost a year and then he decided to ask me out... we dated for about 2 months b4 decidin 2 have a relationship.. after the first month being 2gether he introduced me 2 his parents and then when thanksgiving came around i met the rest of his family (which i think its a good thing.. he wants something serious..or am i gettin it wrong??).... he started saying he loved me after the first month and i asked how can u say u love me in such a small amount of time and he said that it was cuz he liked me since we met and his feelings 4 me were growin every day since we met.. he said hes never dated a girl like me and that hes never felt the way he feels about me 4 nobody else b4, he said he loved me cuz he could totally b himself around me without any restrictions... is not like he doesnt tell me he loves me..he does.. he says it when we are on the phone when we are 2gether when he txts me..he says it all the time.. but it really threw me off last nite when he said "the i love u thing is gettin redundant" we had a talke not to long ago and he said that what he finds redundant is the "i love u 2" after i tell him.... but he didnt use to mind it b4.. why is that bothering him now? is he getting bored with the relationship? or he just asumes i know he loves me?? is the living 2gether thing ruin it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): hi,
you've pointed out that 'he says he feels the same way about me', and he is planning to move in with you, so there shouldn't really be a whole lot of doubt about whether he loves you, the only question is how much he loves you.
Judging from your post, it seems you're completely crazy about him, which is wonderful. It may be that he's fully aware of that, and finds your full-on intensity a little bit scary or smothering. That's no reflection on anything wrong in your relationship.
You're a bit anxious that maybe he loves you with a small 'l', as opposed to being TOTALLY IN LOVE with you. That's entirely possible. There are relationships where there's a slight imbalance, where one party is that bit more in love. It's a little bit hurtful when you find that's the case, but not really justification to end the whole affair.
Love ranges in intensity from 'I would crawl on my hands and knees over broken glass for a thousand miles just to touch you' to 'I really enjoy being with you and spending time together, but my heart doesn't somersault every time I see you.' Both are valid, and you can't really control how you feel one way or the other.
I've twice finding myself saying 'I love you' to my man, and haven't heard the three words I longed to hear in response. Instead, he'll rave enthusiastically about my looks, bedroom techniques etc, and I suppose I have to be content with that, while noticing that he pointedly hasn't returned the magic words.
Saying 'I love you' to someone in an intimate situation throws down a challenge to the other person, inviting them to say the same, and when they don't, it can feel like a bit of a painful brush-off. For you, it seems to be all or nothing, no grey areas, absolute obsessive love.
You should enjoy this relationship to the max, while maybe coming to terms with the fact that you might not be the absolute centre of his existence. Just make sure you're emotionally ready for the worst-case scenario (him losing interest or leaving you) and strong and secure enough in your own self that you don't need to rely on another person to validate your existence, however much you adore him.
hope it works out, angel, sounds like you deserve it.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 His response of "I dont feel like I have to say I love you all the time, you should just know it" is a typical male response, I think you may be getting worked up over nothing here. Girls like to be more forward and open with their feelings, and never tire of talking about feelings. Whereas for men, they dont like to talk about it so much and once they have said I love you a few times, they feel it just becomes meaningless if you say it over and over again.
If I were you I would just sit down and have a proper chat with your boyfriend. Explain to him that you are so excited about moving in together etc but you are feeling a little anxious about moving in because you are getting some signals that he doesnt feel the same way about you. If he is a decent guy he will want to put your mind at ease and will reassure you that nothing has changed.
Try not to get so worked up over little things like this, saying I love you should be something special that you say only in the most intimate moments when you feel like you cant hold the words in any longer. Saying it over and over again will only make the words lose their meaning and make them less special.
You will have much tougher problems to face when you move in together so let this one go, you will need to learn not to be so sensitive otherwise you will really struggle living together! You will end up becoming a nag, asking him whats wrong constantly and driving him mad. You need to be prepared for living together - it removes all romance and intimacy from your relationship. Life turns into mundane domestic chores and because you are in such close proximity you end up getting on each others nerves. If you love all the lovey-dovey stuff and romance and that closeness you get in a relationship, then be prepared for it to take a nose-dive. Think about how you treat your parents and how you interact when you are living with your parents - this is what it will be like living with your boyfriend only you will end up doing all his washing, you will feel under-appreciated and the only good part is you get to have sex every now and then.
You seem very young to be moving in with your boyfriend - I do hope you have thought about this properly and you have been with him a very long time. I made the mistake at 21 of moving in with my boyfriend of 6 months - needless to say 7 months later we had split up. What I realised is that if you dont already know that person inside and out, the sort of knowing someone that comes after years together, then moving in is just a speedy way to splitting up. My ex and I didnt know each other well enough and when we moved in together, we both found out that we just were not compatible and brought out the worst in each other.
Think carefully about whether you are ready for this big step, and if you do decide to go ahead then good luck to you both (and stop getting so worked up over nothing!).
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A
female
reader, XxMishxX +, writes (13 May 2009):
hey there,
i think you need to take a step back and look at it from a distance.
how long have you two been together? my bf says he loves me at the end of every text and lots when he is with me, its nice to hear it. i couldnt be happy if he didnt tell me he loved me as much.. does he actually tell you? or has he completely stopped? if he has completely stopped yes there is something wrong, maybe hes having doubts or is seeing someone else, or maybe he just likes someone else. if he says it only occasionally then, either he feels like he doesntv have to say it so often because you are moving in with him so guys atomaticly think you know and don't need to be told, if this is the case, sit him down and talk to him properly. he may jst be confused and having doubts because yes moving in together is a big step, either way talk to him seriously about it, tell him how it makes u feel and ask him why, if he doesnt understand maybe moving in together isnt such a good idea..
good luck x
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