A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm trying to see how to go about this I don't know if I'm in the wrong. My fiance likes to please himself with his toy which I don't have a problem with. I notice he uses it once a week. My issue is that when I want to be intimate since that once a week his urge is not there because he pleased himself already so he doesn't initiate sex. I initiate it and sometimes he feels like it's a chore or his has something to do. When we do have sex it great but I feel it's like 2x a month. I need more than that. I don't know what has happened he uses to be more intimate. My other question is instead of him to take the time and place to please himself like thats one of his priorities why doesn't he take the time and place to have sex with me ? I know he has the right to please himself it's his body and I know his not cheating. I guess what I want is his time and affection. When I bring this up he says I'm never happy or that I'm complaining but I tell him I just want to spend time and as a women I need to feel affection. Please and suggestions would be helpful
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2024): You've told him what you want but he's only interested in what he wants. Please don't marry this man. He has no consideration for your needs and that's not what marriage is about.
Better to let him go and next time you start seeing someone, put your boundaries in place and don't settle for something that is not making you happy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2024): You are wasting your time with him. If he really loved you and wanted to marry you he would make sure he has sex with you often and regularly, he would prefer it to on his own! He would bring it up. You would not need to nag or pester or say something, it would happen anyway. I bet YOU were the one who wanted to get engaged more than him, and he only agreed to shut you up. I bet the wedding is a long way off or will never happen - if he has his way. He may be gay and preferring men, a lot of gay men marry a woman just to look normal to the outside world and do it on their own or with men behind wife's back if they can. The trouble with that is that people are not queueing up to be a part time sex toy and convenience to a man who is pretending to be straight and really gay, so he ends up frustrated and unhappy when he settles for a woman and men don't please him when he wants too. I really cannot see the point in you being him him, but I am sure you will tell me some rubbish about me being wrong and he loves you; no he does not., He never will. If you are both you and you feel so little for each other now it will never last, it can only get worse until one of you cheats and/or leaves.Women have a lot more chance of cheating because when a woman says she is frustrated or bored plenty of men are eager to take advantage. It saves them paying prostitutes. They just see it as a way to save money But when a man is frustrated or bored people are not much interested, because they could charge him for that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 July 2024):
 If you can get engaged to this man and have sex with him, you CAN sit him down and talk to him.
He isn't meeting your needs. Only his own.
So your needs are NOT a priority to him, or at least that is how it can feel.
TALK to him. Get this sorted before marriage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2024): Sorry to say but your fiance is not attracted to you anymore. Find another man who likes you. As the saying goes, there is plenty more fish in the sea.
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A
male
reader, Keen Fox +, writes (3 July 2024):
Men are visually stimulated. Do you cover up too much or do you wear sexy lingerie? Have you gained weight, or are you in the gym working on your body? It’s up to you to stimulate his interest.
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