| A
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I rarely ever ask questions, but this problem is a bit confusing to me. I have been with my boyfriend for three years. We both talk to our previous significant others except he tries to keep his contact secret because he knows it irritates me. He is also still married to his x and they have a small child he does not see but pays for. He says he only talks with her so she will not drag him back into court and ask for more money and that he has not followed through with the divorce because it is going to cost another five thousand he does not have.I have read many of the texts on the sly, bad I know, and the ones I saw were just regular conversation, but some, he bragged about how wonderful our relationship was and outright lied to her about how wonderful things are. I think he also talks with her on the phone from work as well behind my back.honestly I think he only left her because she had the child when he said he did not want any children or to be a father. I think he still loves her. When he talks about her new boyfriend he even sounds angry and jealous.I also recently found porn on his account. He lied like a real professional until he realized that he couldn't get out of it.My x and I were never married. The three of us have went out shopping and such together and my x has tried to be friends with my current boyfriend. My x doesn't take me to court for money and did not get pregnant on the sly, (impossible, but still). I think there is a big difference between my x and his.I love him, but things are not the same after me finding out about the porn and the more frequent texts to his x. I would leave, but at this time we are financially dependent on each other. We work together and neither could afford the apartment alone. Neither of us have any family to fall back on either.He equates my x with his and says it's the same thing, and equates his porn usage with my smoking of all things!Neither of us are willing to budge on anything, and our quality time together has dwindled to nothing (except for the sex which is still excellent). We barely talk or seem to have much to say to each other. Today I told him our relationship felt more like an "arrangement" but he says it's me and everything is the same... It's not.This was really long... sorry.
View related questions:
divorce, jealous, money, porn, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SilentBlackSkiesRainDown  +, writes (25 November 2009):
....let me get this straight. 3years and he's still married? And better yet, youre still with him? Uh-uh. Thats not right. He's your man, he needs to sign those papers or take his suitcase full of viagra and get the hell out of your life!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): although i feel sorry for you what i cannot understand is you condoning him not getting a divorce. he is still married and yes it may cost a bit to do the right thing but yo are not encouraging him. it seems as though you are ok with this married man, living with you, still in love with his ex who had his baby. why does he speak badly of her? to cover up his true feelings??? if there is still feelings for his ex then you will be in this same position in the next few years. he has a baby with his ex, but doesn't want the kid - really speaks volumes of your man. what kind of a man is he, fathers a child but wants nothing to do with it. and you condone such behaviour????
...............................
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (4 August 2009):
 He doesent get divorced because it would cost him more in the,long run financially.And you will put up with it. Oh you will post here, but have you put your foot down with him? Have you?ACTION NOT WORDS! Id rather be alone and uncertain in my romantic future than be in a dead end relationship I with a person I couldn't trust. And actually it was bad to equate porn with smoking. Smoking will kill you, porn wont.Have some respect for YOURSELF and do not take it if you don't want it in your relationship. No excuse, no ifs ands or buts...if this stuff is a deal breaker make the decision for him and break the deal! If all you have is sex keeping this relationship going, thats not much, because you can get sex anywhere.
...............................
|
