A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on a dating app two weeks ago. Cue, steady flirtation and intrigue for 10 days or so until he have me his cell number and we con tinuned onto texting,We had planned to get together for a drink on his side of town (we dont live super close to another but if traffic doesn't suck, maybe 40 minutes)The night we had plans he said he was feeling tired and wanted to see if I would be ok coming to his place and sitting on the patio. OK. I know guys that sounds tricky. Thats what I thought.But i told him to be a gentleman and I would and he was! We talked we enjoyed the time and I left . NO physical anything it was perfect.BUT he didnt text to say thanks for coming over or to see me home ok...not so awesome of him.Heres the other component of this debacle. He's a writer and Im an artist.HE has success and clout. I have nothing. Well I don't have what he has lets say that. I am intrigued by him because he is talented and smart and I guess I like being around that.I do like him though.So we talked on Monday and last minute I agreed to come over again. We watched a movie and cuddled and kissed. THAT WAS IT. No booty call. he was respectful of me physically.BUTHE's acting aloof again and I honestly don't know if I should just drop the whole thing. He hasn't checked up on me or said hi since then... AM I nuts? Please send honest answers. If it sounds bad tell me.Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2018): Men take longer to decide how they feel about you. Considering the fact you've recently met; he hardly knows you, and maybe he's still in the process of getting acquainted. He might be deciding how he feels about you. We guys may have a lot going-on in our heads; but we don't always outwardly express our feelings.
There's another thing you need to take into account. You're still in the introductory-stage; and your feelings should be kept in-check. If you've been a little lonely, and you're impressed with him; your feelings might get ahead of you. Hold-back and take your time. Get to know him better and not expect too much. It's more important to know whom you're dealing with; than receive a bunch of compliments and flirty-talk. If I had to judge by your post, the whole thing seems quite luke-warm.
If he acts aloof, slow your roll; give him a chance to pursue you. You've driven to see him a couple of times. I think if he was interested, he'd return the favor and invite you out on a decent date. It's fine he has invited you over; but it seems it's at his own convenience.
At this point in time; I would ask him if there's any possibility of going out on a real date. You'd like that. Visiting is still a little risky and he needs to show more initiative. Having you drop-by for a visit doesn't sound like a guy looking for romance. Just some quick-sex, or somebody to kill the time. He hasn't attempted anything; but he hasn't shown any real enthusiasm either. It's more like he's biding his time until you will give-up the sex.
Don't spend too much time at his place. I think he should take you out for a nice evening; so romance can blossom.
He's inviting you to his house and just waiting for you to loosen-up enough to have sex. If he keeps inviting you over, reconsider whether it's worth your time and trouble to keep seeing this guy. Just slow-down, and don't be so eager to do all the traveling. It's too one-sided.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 July 2018):
 Honestly?
Maybe he is unsure of what to do. Yeah, even given his age.
To be honest, I'd start putting in as much (or little) effort as he is, for a little while. I would NOT drive 40 minutes to see him, I'd suggest meeting out and about and going for a dinner or whatnot. HOME dates are lazy!
Really for the FIRST date/meet up he suggest that you come hang out at his patio because he is tired? seems to me that he is not really putting much effort into things. Sure, he could have NOT suggested it and NOT met you that day but to me this whole... I'm tired but you can come hang out... It's lazy AF! That is what you do with people you know well, friends, family... not someone who could potentially be your new GF/BF. IMHO
So if I were you I'd dial it back. Focus on your own life, friends, hobbies and IF he suggests meeting up, suggest a place in public. So he HAS to make just a LITTLE effort. And if that doesn't suit him... well, maybe you two are just not that good of a match. I would also NOT agree to "spur of the moment" hang outs. Because it's LAZY! That is NOT the actions of someone trying to woo you is it?
You drove 40 minutes to hang out and watch a movie Monday and he couldn't even be bothered to ask you to text him when you got home safe? or CALL you the next day? Again, LAZY.
I can definitely see why you are questioning this guy.
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