A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When my boyfriend's plans change, he never ever tells me, and always waits until I ask him. The other week, we were supposed to see each other on the saturday, but he went to stay with his Dad on friday at the last minute, but didn't tell me until I asked him the next day at nearly lunch time! I told him how upset I was and he said he was sorry and wouldn't make the same mistake again. But today he did - I told him I was available (we'd had to cancel our earlier meeting.) He got the text, but didn't reply or call me to tell me that he was busy so yet again I didn't know until I called him about an hour and a half later.So much for not making the same mistake again. He's done it loads of times before and every time he does it I tell him I'm upset with him but he never learns. I think he puts off telling me because he doesn't like confrontation and he knows I'll be unhappy if he says he can't see me, but he knows I'll react worse if he doesn't tell me, so why does he do it? Am I over-reacting? Is there anything I can do to make him learn his lesson?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should also mention that he only lives 5 minutes down the road in the car and we see each other most days so it's really easy to re-arrange and we'll probably see each other one or two days later anyway.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not a case of him forgetting or not wanting to see me and it's not normally his fault when he has to cancel - normally it's because his Dad has told him 'you're coming to stay with me tonight' or his friends have arranged something a while ago and he doesn't think to tell me until the day before. He doesn't cancel on purpose. You should see us when we are together - it's amazing! It's just the total last-minuteness that I don't like!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not a case of him not wanting to see me or forgetting - he doesn't forget our plans, and he's always telling me he misses me when he's not there. It's just he doesn't tell me until ages after unless I check with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): Do you know - that's the first excuse that would enter my head too!
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female
reader, mousepad  +, writes (30 April 2009):
It honestly just sounds like he doesn't really care about the relationship very much. My boyfriend and I have always told each other everything, and usually know where the other one is. And he would certainly never just forget about plans or cancel without telling me!
This is one of those things where, sure, you could "teach him a lesson" and maybe he would get better, but the question is.. don't you want him to do that one his OWN? You deserve a guy who actually WANTS to spend time with you! It's just not the same if you're having to talk him into spending time with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK today I was unfair on him - he'd ran out of credit, he was out and nobody had any credit (which doesn't surprise me) so he couldn't tell me until he got home anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): One thing I can immediately think of - arrange to meet somewhere and don't turn up. Then do the same thing a couple more times.
It sounds like you come some way down his list of priorities.
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