A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why does your partner's use of porn bother you? My reason is because they are getting off on someone that isn't me, I have noticed alot of other women saying it is disgusting and degrading that doesn't bother me as much as the fact it is a woman that isn't me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2012): How many more men are going to ruin their loving relationships because of porn it's becoming ridiculous.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): I recently posted a question sort of related to this (more like ramblings), I'm trying to explore porn use myself...giving it a chance, if you will, before knocking it (I'm just that kind if person). But I've also got my insecurities and complexities associated with feeling undesired, not special, unattractive and that I can't match what those girls look like or who they are. Part of me gets it. We are married. He's committed for life and he knows this (I think in his mind its like "oh my god I know this"). And while we haven't specifically talked about that (just me for the rest of his life...for at least another 60 years hopefully), not really being with anyone else (either of us) and seeing his single friends getting it on with a different girl every night makes me wonder (realistically) if this is his way of getting his fill (?) while (irrationally) I'm thinking "oh my god he wants to leave me or cheat on me!" It's hard not to think the second way because I think it's that I know I'm an extremely loyal person (heck I'm still with a job in a company I hate when ive received other job offers from other companies that pay more). But there's history there. Anyhow, one thing I've noticed is I'm not bothered by it as much when I'm getting the affection from him that I want (sincere I love you's, unexpected hugs and kisses, random hello phone calls..little romantic things, even a genuine smile at me when he thinks I'm not looking), and when I don't and I know he's looking at webcams (which he just looks, no enfaging) I feel blown off and undesirable. It takes a large amount if trust that its nothing more than fantasy. I know with the constant use its made it more difficult for him to release during sex (which I fear that he might have an addiction...and a fear not that he is looking so much but that there might be something deeper with him that he is unable to share), which makes me feel left out. All in all, it conjures up a mixed bag of emotions for me while I'm trying to remain objective about as I can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2012): I am not bothered by it UNLESS the man can't separate it from real life. As long as he's able to realize 3 things about porn: 1.) What he's watching is a performance, and not 2 people who actually desire to be intimate with one another. 2.) Very few women in real life would get any pleasure at all from some of the "harder" acts shown, and that the fake moaning by the women in the videos is just that: FAKE. 3.) Most women in porn have been surgically altered in some way, breast implants or lifts, labiaplasty, etc. Also, a lot have hair extensions and are heavily made up so their skin looks completely flawless. As long as a man knows these 3 things, and doesn't use porn to replace his partner, then I don't see how it's harmful to him or his partner to watch porn once in awhile.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2012): I used to be upset for the same reason as you. Now I have changed my mind I think its harmless just a fantasy. I even like some of it myself.
If you have ever been into a romance novel or movie that's the same thing. You're swooning over some guy who isn't your partner. Why is emotional "getting off " more acceptable than physical? Its not.
We are all allowed to have our private fantasies. As long as he doesn't blame you for not being like the porn women and you don't blame him for not being like the romance movie hero, its harmless
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A
female
reader, curious1987  +, writes (15 December 2012):
 I dont have a problem with guys watching porn as long as its not "live porn". I understand that he needs to relief himself, especially when we.dont see each other often enough. He never hides the fact from me he uses porn. And honestly if his not.watching.porn, his probably imagining ur friend or sister while his masturbating. What would you prefer?
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (15 December 2012):
it would bother me for the exact same reasons as you, and it would also bother me because it is disrespectful to woman (and the men in the films also) and it distorts peoples view of sex
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 December 2012):
 It doesn't bother me at all. Sometimes we watch it together.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 December 2012):
 There are many reasons, I think yours is most common, jealousy. Also betrayal if he was lying.
I have many links about this on my profile, I recommend you take a look. They might be helpful.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (14 December 2012):
As long as we are regularly intimate, i have no problems with my fiance watching porn. I'll even give him his space so he can watch porn in private to relieve stress or if i am too busy to join him in bed.
The only time i ever had a problem with porn was years ago when we were much younger and he was replacing sexual intimacy with viewing porn. Once he realized I was okay with him watching porn as long as we have sex regularly, porn was no longer an issue and our relationship has grown stronger as a result.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 December 2012):
 I guess everybody is different and thinks differently, there are plenty of couples out there who enjoy watching it together or it does not bother them in the slightest that there partner watches it because they know at the end of the day that it is them they are being intimate with. Then there are others like you where it makes them feel insecure in the relationship, or they think porn is degrading.
It effects people differently is what I am trying to say, however you need to talk to your partner about this and tell him how it makes you feel. Be open and honest and talk to him about it.
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