A
female
age
41-50,
*unny_111
writes:Lately I've been frustrated and annoyed because I'm tired of careless friends and acquaintances standing me up. Why do people do this?One of my male friends agreed to go out with me and see a band in the city last weekend (he lives near the city and it's a 1 hour drive from my place) so I drove down there and 5 minutes before I was due to arrive, he cancelled. I didn't feel safe going out in the city alone, so I turned my car around and drove home.The following day I had a girlfriend who wanted to catch up for lunch. We'd arranged to meet at midday. She called 15 minutes AFTER she was due to arrive and told me she decided to catch up with her parents instead!Tonight I was driving myself down to the city again to go dancing, this time I tried going alone. 2 acquaintances (a couple) phoned me when I was already 10 minutes into my drive and begged me to drive back and take them too. Silly me, turns my car around and drives back to get them. I arrive at their place and then she decides not to go because it was "too last minute" so they didn't come.Why does this keep happening to me? It's not fair :(Do people realise I have feelings too and it hurts me when they do this? Do people realise what they are doing or are they oblivious?Please help, I'm really upset at the moment :( Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 July 2014):
 My granfather used to say,"people are no damn good!" then he'd huff and puff and go on and on about some event or another...Atthe time I thought it was just 'cause e was older. Nw that I'm geing on iyears, I can see some wisdom inwhat he was saying. If your expectations are high and those around you are are of those expectations, yowill inevitable be disappointed. Ergo, wer your pectations OR be very vry clear about them to everyone and stop beating yourself up over it. It's p to you to make clear to others what yo expect or they will usual fall short. Good luck
A
male
reader, thoughtsshared  +, writes (10 July 2014):
 You need to make these people aware about how they've inconvenienced you.
In the first example you could have said "If I'd known you weren't that keen on coming I would have asked someone else: now it's too late" - if his reaction to this wasn't regretful and he didn't say he'd make it up to you then he is not respectful enough to be your friend.
In the second example you could have said "Oh, when did you decide to catch up with your parents instead? If I'd known that I could have done something else".
In a way, we teach people how to treat us. If they think we don't really mind being messed around then they won't always be serious about making arrangements. Some of your friends will be very respectful and will hardly ever let you down, but most people (in my experience) aren't like this so they need to be shown that you're not happy to accept a lack of respect especially when you give them respect.
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