A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a hard time dealing with a break up right now. The guy I was dating have been liking each other since we were young but went separate ways after high school. About seven months ago, we got back in touch and rekindle the flame we had. I was very fragile with my guard being up and wary about who comes around my daughter. Within those months, I stopped drinking, started helping in church, and thought more carefully about my future. Recently, my daughter and I went to visit him for vacation and watched him cry as his car got repossessed, his electricity turned off, and his furniture taken away (repossessed). God knows I tried to help him but I didn't have the money. I have never seen him cry before and it hurted me. My friends said that he could have been embarrassed that it happened in front of me. For two weeks, I called and texted him to let him know that I was not going anywhere and that I'm by his side. No response!So, last night, I called and asked him if he moved on with his life and he said that he was "taking a step back". I asked him was that a break up and he kept repeating that he was "taking a step back".Can you all please tell me what does that mean?! One part of me is saying that he is coming back and the other is saying that he doesn't see the real woman in me!What should I do?
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male
reader, methuselah  +, writes (11 July 2014):
Hi,
I can only guess at this. It is a man going into his cave. He needs time on his own to let this embarrassing episode pass and put some time between the event. He has a loss of pride so needs to retreat to the cave. A lot of men use the cave to go to as they do not wish to 'talk' about things at first. They have to work things out and come to terms with things. I would let him go to the cave and wait for him to come out. Thanks.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 July 2014):
 I'm sure he was embarrassed to have you see him cry and have his stuff taken away.
I am not sure what he means by "taking a step back" but what it means for you is that you back off and let him be.
IF and WHEN he is ready he knows where to find you and he will if he wants.
On the other hand, as an adult with a small child... can you not see how being with a man who loses everything he has is not a good choice for a life partner?
You went to visit him on vacation... he had to have known he was in danger of losing his things.
having a car repossessed is one thing... you make payments on those... electricity turned off... that's usually 3 months missed payments... and furniture repossession.. how'd that happen? was he RENTING his furniture?
did he lose his job? why is he so far behind in all his bills... is this NOT a red flag for you?
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (10 July 2014):
 I think he is embarrassed that you saw him at his worst and does not want any ones pity. He is just distancing himself from you and prefer not to see you because of his embarrassment. It basically means he needs a break from the relationship and he is using tactful words to avoid hurting you. Leave him alone and move on.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 July 2014):
 I think two things; 1. he was embarassed and 2.) He doesn't want to drag you into his failures either out of respect for you or self pity. I'd do what he asks and back off for a month to see what happens. Good Luck
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