A
male
age
51-59,
*edjpd
writes:What is my wife's game?Hi myself and my wife have been married for 3 turbulent years now. After numerous bust-ups I moved out on new year's eve but am still in daily contact to help out with our 2 children. In the past when we have rowed my wife has always sought to hurt me by insulting me and my family, running us down, judging us etc - she thinks she is so superior. I have asked her to stop this behaviour and told her that her insults and demeaning comments are abuse. She also denies that she has an anger problem but flies off the handle very quickly and then the abuse really starts. Anyway we have been talking about me moving back in.However when I say that I don't think anything has changed as she has done nothing about her anger issues or to stop abusing me amd my family every time we have a row and continues to bring them and past issues up even though she knows she is creating conflict. When I ask her to stop she mocks me by saying I am playing the victim,'poor me'etc and excuses her behaviour as she is tired. Last night we again discussed where our relationship was going again I said that I didn't know if we were ready as she is still reverting to her old ways when we have conflict and is still denying she has an anger problem. After 5 minutes she starting to slag off my brother for an incident that happened 6 or 7 months ago regarding advise he gave on medication for her to take when she was sick and still breastfeeding - this is totally out of the blue and without any substance. I told her I was not staying if she was going to continue with the insults towards me and my family and that I was not listening to this nonsense. I removed myself so I would not have to listen to her rant or react angrily to it. She then threw a tantrum in the driveway - ordering me to comeback etc. I told her I'm not doing it until she acts like an adult. She says I am running away.My question is why does she persist with this behaviour when she knows it is a conflict trigger?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): i would stay away and divorce her. Arrange to see the kids. She doesnt seem to want to do anything about her temper and probably never will. She is not a nice person.
A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 "why does she persist with this behaviour when she knows it is a conflict trigger?" "When I ask her to stop she mocks me by saying I am playing the victim,'poor me'etc and excuses her behaviour" "She then threw a tantrum in the driveway - ordering me" From what you've said here I'd answer your question by saying your wife needs help from an experienced mental health professional to resolve conflict and control her behavior.
I think it's great you "help out with our 2 children". "I removed myself". I think you should stay "removed" until you see positive changes in her behavior.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 You wife sounds like she is insecure, manipulative and abusive.
She needs to get to see a counsellor regarding her anger issues, also how can you possibly think of going back to her when all she does is throw negativity into the relationship?
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