A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm 40 years old and my love interest (I'll call her "Ann") is 3 years younger. We were together many years ago when we were teenagers. She gave birth to our daughter who is now in her 20s. Ann and I broke up and she eventually went on to get married and had 2 more children.Throughout the years, Ann and I remained friends as I maintained a relationship with our daughter. There were times when we did not get along (in fact, she probably hated me a few times) but we always ended up being friends again.I never really stopped loving her and I have always wanted her back. Her husband left her about 6 years ago. She has always rejected any idea of us getting back together. However, that changed last year when we started hanging out more often, going out on dates, and really enjoying each others company. I was living about 200 miles away and we only saw each other about once a month. My job gave me the opportunity to move to the city where Ann lives so I took it. I even moved into the same house. Ann lives with her own mother as well as our daughter, son-in-law, and grandchild. She also has a 6 year old boy who looks to me as a father figure. I'm also close to her mom and the rest of the family. They treat me like family and pretty much always have.We hit it off pretty good when I moved here. She was rather affectionate at first but not so much anymore even though she still enjoys spending time with me. She says she loves hanging out with me but she's not into the romance part. There have been times when she has put her arms around me or held my hand because she "felt that it was the right thing to do". But then she's cold again.She talks about long-term things like where we'll go on vacation. She says that I'm perfect for her and she considers me family but she doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with me or anyone else (although she was dating other people before me so I really don't understand this). She even says she has nothing against me dating other women although it would make her sad and a little jealous. I seem to get a lot of mixed messages from her. Part of me thinks I should just say to hell with it and move out and move on with my life. Part of me thinks I should get my own place and continue to see her but not as often and maybe even date other women. I love her terribly so I would prefer to hang in there for about a year or as long as I can without going crazy and see what happens. If she eventually comes around, great. If not, then I'll know I did everything I could and I'll give up.I'm looking for other people's opinions on why a woman would behave in such a way. I don't expect anyone to give me an answer about what to do as I have to ultimately decide that for myself. I'm just trying to understand what's really going on with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, R1. Yeah, I've asked her about it and her response is that she wants to love me but doesn't in the romantic sense and that it might happen in the future, she just doesn't know. That's fair, I can accept that. I just get confused by the mixed messages. Perhaps she's confused too, like you said. She tells me that she put all her energy into her marriage and feels like she doesn't have any love to give to another person again. I guess she's jaded, hung up on the past, afraid to trust again, I dunno. I've waited a long time for her and this is the first chance I've had in years so I have no problem waiting this out and seeing what happens. I won't wait forever but I believe she's worth trying for.
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 You are the father of her daughter of course there are going to be some feelings there. She is probably just as confused about how she feels towards you as you are of her actions. Life isn't simple and relationships are definitely not. Have you tried asking if she would ever look at you that way again? Sounds like you have a good friendship, that is surely something you wouldn't want to lose.
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