A
female
age
30-35,
*sk The Leprechaun
writes:ok, Pretty straightforward. There's a girl in one of my classes and I really like her. Problem is, I'm gay and she has a boyfriend. That suprised me, I was dead certain she was gay. The way she walks, talks, sits, dresses, speaks, her non-conformism, her hair, everything. not too femme but not butch, it was like looking in the mirror. She'd be the perfect girlfriend, as I'm sure she's a nice person. I just don't get to see that much....I get the feeling she hates me. or really doesn't like me. Or more acurately she doesn't want to like me. just as a friend even. I don't mind if she indeed is straight, I've learned not to get too involved, I only get hurt, time and time again by these girls who may or may not be bi/gay. But none have ever been like this with me. I usually get over them, and we're just friends.She's a shy person anyway. It was ages before she'd talk to anyone in class. She sat on her own in both classrooms, so the 2nd time, i sat next to her in one. I wish I hadn't, I feel like she really has a problem with me. It was 6 weeks before she said a word to me. and when ever she does talk to me now I feel like it's because she's realised she can't exactly not talk to me all year. And it's really, nervous and forced. I feel like she's really self conscious around me. she'll never look directly at me. I feel like she's intimidated by me or something. She'll talk to this other straight girl quite happily now, but me, it's like I'm diseased or something.I almost walked right inot her and her boyfriend the other week, and she wouldn't even acknowledge me in the slightest. I'm not really bothered that she has a boyfriend, fine, fair enough, ok. It just bothers me that she's so deliberatly distant with me. She's not a mean person or anything, I can spot them imediately. And it's not as if she doesn't notice me. She is VERY aware of me. I just can't understand why she acts so wierd around me. IS she bi, but doesn't want to fancy me because of the boyfriend? have I confused her or something? thats the impression I get, and even if thats so, I'm not going to try anything. Or does she just think I fancy her? or does she just plain not like me? Is there anything I can do to make her like me as a friend? I'm not worried about getting over her. I will, it would just be easier if she wasn't so wierd around me.
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has a boyfriend, notice me, she has a boyfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ask The Leprechaun +, writes (11 December 2009):
Ask The Leprechaun is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, bit of a change in situation.....
Firstly, recently we talk a lot more, get on better, and I don't feel like she hates me anymore.
secondly, tonight our class went out for a meal and she said pretty causally that she was bisexual.
NOw before anybody reminds me, yeah I know she has a boyfriend, and I did already say that even if this was the case, I wasn't going to try anything, so I'm not.
And Miss Polly thanks for advice, and yes in the past, I have been guilty of ignoring my gaydar and trying to convince myself they were bi/gay, but no, it was more the opposite way round here, gaydar was going crazy and based on previous experience I was trying to tell myself she had a boyfriend and therefore was straight. I knew I was right all along as usual! my greatest flaw is I never trust my gaydar whatever is says, and it always turns out to be right.
I'm not going to be as naive to think, that her being more open towards me and announcing she's bi are related.
But I do think that explains why she was so distant before. It explains why she she was so self conscious and never said anyhting to me for weeks. It explains why I got the impression she didn't want to like me.
I am however wondering why she's changed so much in the past few weeks.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 December 2009):
 I think you are making her uncomfortable. She's aware of your scrutiny and it sounds like she's keeping her distance because it bothers her. Does it really matter if she's bi or not? She has a boyfriend and she's shy and you might be making a spectacle of yourself from her perspective.
Just stop looking at her, ease up the mental scrutiny and perhaps she'll relax in time.
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A
female
reader, Miss Polly +, writes (7 December 2009):
 As you probably know, it's a sad fact of life that you can't *make* anyone like you, what's even more difficult is when you're attracted to them.You seem to think she isn't completely heterosexual, but are you sure you're right?, could it be that you like her so much you *want* to believe you make more impact on her than you actually do? I'm not saying this is the case, but liking someone can often make you feel more sensitive to their behaviour, I've been through it myself.All I can recommend is you be polite with her, maybe try to strike up a conversation and ask her non-accusingly what her problem is if she's rude to you.On the other hand, maybe you're one of the first gay people she's been around?, maybe she does have doubts about her sexuality?, either way doesn't seem like you know her well enough to know the answers, therefore I don't think it's something you should really worry about, plenty more fish in the sea, as they say, I'm sure it's her loss.
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