A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my Boyfriend for 3 years.I love him to bit and we have a good life together.We have our ups and down like everyone but all in all we're fine.It's our sex life that I think is the problem. We have sex, oral ect but it seems to be all on his terms. I hardly ever turn him down as I love having sex with him and when I do its because I'm on a period or I feel grubby/unclean (We have a 1 year old so I'm like an unpaid cleaner, lol) but that is about once out of every 10 times we have sex.But if want to have sex or want him to go down on me then he's too tied and he says we will after we watch a movie or program but we dont.I know he works full time Monday- Friday so in the week I'm not as forward about it I hint but if nothing happens then I'm okay-ish, lol. But this happens on the weekend. We have sex but when he wants. My little one great, has a nap in the day for over an hour at a time and sleeps from 7-8pm right through th night until 8am so our child is not the reason.Out of every 5-6 times I try it on with him or hint we have sex about once. But when he wants it then yes we do it. It would just be nice to do it more when I like to not just when the wants. I have tried talking about it to him but he doesn't see that their is anything wrong as we still have sex.Any advise on how I can approach him.PS - he can get very defensive when its comes to sex as he thinks he is a god.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): Hiay
I'm the one who written this question.
I think you have me wrong. He is very caring outside the bedroom We bicker and such and that mainly down to me I'm temperamental and sexually he is satisfying the problem in it is on his terms and hardly on mine.
Oh and as the the odor then I know for fact it is not that he loves going down on me when he dose do it but again its when HE like.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): This is delicate and I don't want to hurt your feelings. It has to be addressed.Some guys are turned off by vaginal odor, or they may be a little weary of a woman's feminine hygiene. You may be clean, but you may have an odor he doesn't find attractive. This is only a suggestion.Some heterosexual men simply don't like oral sex with women. Plain and simple. Just like some women don't like oral sex with men. They only like penetration, missionary-style sex, and nothing else.Everything may be on his terms; because earlier in your relationship, you acquiesced to his every demand. So he feels in charge everywhere, including the bedroom. Women confuse controlling men with being protective and macho men.He's always in charge and they think they feel safe. He'd control your breathing if he could.There is a big problem when a person desires something sexually and the other just isn't interested. It's usually the guy complaining that his wife doesn't like giving him blowjobs.If people don't establish open communication in a relationship; one partner is going to be miserable and unfulfilled. That frustration builds up, and something awful may result. If you can't talk to your boyfriend, or you feel too intimidated, things will just remain as they are. If he never listens, child or no child, you don't have to put up with it.Be creative and place some refreshments on the bed-side table. Strawberries and whipped cream, or chocolate sauce. Sweets over a "shaven" vagina may be appealing to some guys less inclined to go south otherwise. Take a fresh shower, use a feminine hygiene product just before sex, and add his favorite flavor. Dare him to go for it. Just as an experiment. If he's a jerk, he'll laugh or think you're crazy. He just doesn't like performing cunnilingus; or sex is over when he gets his orgasm. Working on you may take too much of his precious time. He'll make it your fault; he will not confess. He might like less of a man, and that would prove weakness. He'd have less control.You need to know why he doesn't want to give you oral sex. Ask and actually listen. If he's a cold-hearted brute who just doesn't care, you picked him! There are few surprises after 3 years.Now you have a child together, and you're stuck with him. You have to get up the nerve to tell him that you are tired of going to sleep still needing more sex. Tired of just pleasing him and letting it go. Life is going to be really boring being with a guy who calls all the shots. You'll have to go to sleep sexually frustrated night after night.Feeling like a second child in the household.Women tend to cling to men who are total jerks. It's harder to walk away once you have a child or get married. No advice can change your relationship. It takes courage and action on your part. You have to speak up or give up. Don't even consider marriage to this guy until you can both communicate.Go buy a little personal pleasure device. Tell him you'll have to use it if he isn't able to work it out. Hide it and use it whenever necessary. He'll yell and be angry. You've taken control of a situation
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): He's being very selfish. If I were you I'd stop having sex with him every time he wants you to. I know you say you feel like it a lot, but at the moment he doesn't change because he doesn't have to - things are working out great for him and there is no consequence for him when he doesn't satisfy you. He still gets sex every time he wants it. For what it's worth too, no sex god I've ever heard of turns down his woman so often or blatantly ignores her desires when she tells him them. So on top of everything else he has that wrong too.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (3 April 2013):
 I think the most important phrase in your submittal is this one: "...I hint but if nothing happens then I'm okay-ish...."
YOU have an "okay-ish" sex life... and HIS is a bountiful banquet...... of whatever, whenever and wherever he wants.
Doesn't that sound a little one-sided to you? When two people have a "relationship," isn't there supposed to be balance in what, where, when they do things?????
It's time for YOU to speak up... and tell boyfriend that - regardless if he is a sex-God - that his counterpart ain't gettin' what she wants.... and, unless things change, then HE ain't gonna be getting what HE wants....
Honestly, some guys seem to do everything they can to screw up what SHOULD be a great arrangement...
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): Simple he's a god and your boss, therefore what he says goes and you just have to put up with it.
Talking didn't work, so nothing is going to change.
Just have to accept that when it comes sex your needs will always come second to his and there's absolutely nothing you will do about it either because frankly the way you talk about it OP it's not that big a deal to you anyway.
Talking won't work, gentle hints won't work, you're not going to stop him getting what he wants sexually and seeing as you let him believe he's a god then he has no reason to change in the slightest.
Besides OP you just view this more of a treat than a need, well he's not bothered treating you.
Now if you told him it was effecting your sex life and making you feel dissatisfied with it he might listen, but he knows all he has to do is throw a strop and you'll back down.
The only way to approach a person who refuses to discuss something and gets you to back down by acting defensive takes a strength you don't actually have, or you wouldn't be asking us for some magical solution.
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