A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello: I had an emotional affair with this guy at work. THings got pretty rough, a lot of back and forth 'games' almost with his behavior. Work place drama put a wedge between us. I carried a torch a while over him, dealing with his hot and cold back and forth behavior towards me. I'm now seeking a transfer out, but wanted peace. I confronted him about the behavior. Long story short he answered me by saying he did not have time for me in his life right now, as he is trying to straighten things out with his private, personal and business life. He said he wants nothing to do with me at this time. I took the hit. I noticed him starring at me, like watching me mourn, then like pop up in my department a few times later that day. Truly people noticed I was very sad about something.I said nothing. WELL the next time I saw him, unlike ever before, he gives me a great big Hello. I did not respond, I was stunned. Now he stops to ask quick questions, and says hello. He is finally 'civil'. I realize perhaps he could flip again. My question is, WHY? Does any one know why someone would want to be so hurtful then like right away-run back to see if you'd accept his hello's, questions and humor after telling you basically 'get lost' not interested in knowing you in this life????? What is that about? Any ideas??? Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Hope things are ok for you now as a few months have gone by since you made this post. Did you get a transfer? I hope so. I think the only way to get over this sort of thing is to have no contact. I was in a similar situation which I am still getting over. He started messaging me and flirting then when I fell for him he cut me off. Like you I took the hit (really badly and very upset but he'd nver know this). Then I read some self help books and found some support forums and went no contact. He has been trying half heartedly to be friends with me but I have kept away. I know I would get sucked back in only to be dumped again. I can't do that to myself. I hope you have kept away too and been strong. I don't think I'll ever understand why men play these games. All I know is that you are worth more than that. I sincerely wish you a good recovery in moving forwards - you deserve better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Stay away from him. People that act that way have deep seeded unaddressed issues with their self esteem. They have very low self esteems and in order to make themselves feel better they toy with peoples minds by pulling them in then pushing them away then pulling them in again to prove to themselves that they are worthwhile which is pretty pitiful. They thrive on their targets compassion for them which validates that they're significant. Don't let him abuse you like that. It's not your job to make him love himself. See him for what he is which is an unstable confused head case. If you really want him off your back the next time he approaches you tell him to fuckoff and stay away from you. The little that you told here about him should be enough to turn you completely off to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank You for your responses as I continue to marvel that he tries to interact with me at all after saying stay away...- still. I will distance my self, and hope my transfer is not blocked to just get away from all of it and him.
Thanks for enlightening that he seemingly must have some odd emotional attachment to me still behave that way. It just hit me strange- his behavior.
Wanted to say thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): It looks like he wants to have you when he wants you and thats it!! You need to block your self from this man I know you enjoy talking to him and you've built emotional feelings for him, but he sound extremely dis functional and confused about YOU. Don't make him a priority if he makes you feel like an option hun. Be strong and ignore him...He will soon realize that he didn't have you wrapped around his finger like he thought. EVEN BETTER!! send flowers to yourself at work :) He will be a bit jealous, and when YOU do ignore him and go about your day you'll than realize yourself this man is not worth your heart. You deserve someone that will make you feel the TOTAL opposite from how he treats you- A REAL DEVOTED MAN. GOOD LUCK and stay positive. xoxo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): He obviously likes having you attracted to him. It is great to have an admirer, but when it gets a bit too real they back off, then they want to reel you back in for the ego boost. That could be it with him. Don't be taken in by him now trying to be friendly. He told you cruelly and blatantly that he didn't want anything to do with you. Have nothing more to do with him beyond the civilities of having to work together. Good for you being strong when you were rejected, it's very hard to take I know. But don't let him do it to you again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): Because he's an idiot but what he doesn't realize and this goes for you to is right now he's digging a deep trench of pain for you and the day he grows up and tries to do right by you you're gonna hate him. Stay away from him as much as you can. When he comes around ignore him, and if you have to respond because it's work related don't even look in his face because he doesn't deserve that kind of respect. Put yourself into people and activities that have nothing at all to do with him. Keep your mind focused on anything having nothing at all to do with him. If he's acting that way with you now, can you imagine how he'd play with you if you got involved with him. Cut him loose. He's bad bad troubling news. Give him the big fuckoff.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): Because he's an idiot but what he doesn't realize and this goes for you to is right now he's digging a deep trench of pain for you and the day he grows up and tries to do right by you you're gonna hate him. Stay away from him as much as you can. When he comes around ignore him, and if you have to respond because it's work related don't even look in his face because he doesn't deserve that kind of respect. Put yourself into people and activities that have nothing at all to do with him. Keep your mind focused on anything having nothing at all to do with him. If he's acting that way with you now, can you imagine how he'd play with you if you got involved with him. Cut him loose. He's bad bad troubling news. Give him the big f***off.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (13 February 2011):
He is an idiot. He left you probably expecting you to chase after him but you did not. Good for you. You threw him for a loop. Now STOP ACTING SAD, he will probably come after you more. Do not even contact him at all. He will contact you. Be cordial when you talk, never rude, and never bring up what he said.
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