A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel as if my stepdad hates me. He married my mum when i was about 16-17. And i had a crazy stepdad before that. But i have always got on with him, it has been my brother that has challenged him and they fought like cat and dog.Now all my stepdad does is bark orders at me, shouts at me, is blunt, slams doors and mutters under his breath at me. If me and my brother are at home and my stepdad gets in from work, the first thing he does is have a go at me about something stupid then shout at me for something else and slam the door on me. He then goes on to chat away with my brother and be really civil. Why does he favour my brother so much? My mum also favours my brother and always sticks up for my stepdad. What could be the reason that he hates me so much? I just want to be a family and everyone get along as i dont have a dad really. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, betty_black +, writes (8 May 2009):
 I would suggest thinking about moving out as well. I had a stepdad that did all that and worse. He beat me for about nine years of my life and my mum stuck up for him whenever he had an issue with what i was doing as well. I don't resent my mother for it now, but i did at the time and didn't get along with her. He hated me and i hated him, it'd always been that way. Since moving out at 16 I have never had a better relationship with my family, and i also feel so much better in myself. PLus my mum left him which i'm bloody glad about!
If your not in the situation where your able to escape, why not try talking to your mum about it? Tell her what he's like and how its making you feel. Maybe she'll get you all to talk it out and it might solve a few things. Good luck!
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 May 2009):
 If life at home is that miserable then I suggest you start looking towards building a life independent of your family. I hated living at home as a teenager as I didn't get along with my mother too well and our relationship improved after I left. Moving out at 18 was a big step but it worked for me and I learned to stand on my own two feet. You cannot choose who your mother wants to be with in terms of partners, but now you are an adult yourself you don't have to stick around her 'choice' if you don't want to. It could simply be that he doesn't like you or he feels insecure being a step-father to young adults. He may feel he can relate to your brother more, or if he is really sick he is emotionally abusing you by being nice to your sibling. Your mother really ought to stop him barking at you but you cannot make her change. There is an old saying about you can choose your friends but not your family...it is so true...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): It sounds like he is abusive. And it sounds like your mother supports his abuse. You can't rely on her to protect you. You have to protect yourself. If he EVER lays a finger on you run, go straight to the police. You are old enough now that you don't have to live at home. You can move out and choose your own friends, your own new family who loves you and treats you well. Don't let yourself be abused.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (8 May 2009):
 Maybe he just doesn't like you, we don't have to get on with everybody that we see. He may just favour your brother. If I was you I wouldn't get involved in any argument that he starts, if he starts yelling then simply don't talk to him, and don't reply. It is easy to avoid arguments.
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