A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my husband and I have 2 boys and we are expecting our 3rd child in a couple of months. We are definitely busy between work, kids, and keeping up with our daily chores around the house. My husband travels for work which started when I was pregnant with our 2nd child. I was very confused about him taking this job knowing that it would leave me up to taking care of the boys myself. I know my husband works hard at his job. A lot of times he will have clients come in town at last minute my husband calls to tell me he's taking them for dinner. Which can be hard for me when I work til 5pm and now need to make sure I get out of work on time to figure out how to pick my boys up at two different daycares by 6pm because my oldest is in pre-k he attends a after school program and my youngest in a daycare clinic. My husband usually then doesn't get home til 9:30 or 10pm. Even though he says it's work. He has dinner and beer and gets to relax for a few hours. My husband doesn't communicate with me very well at all. He tells me important stuff last minute and thinks Im nagging when I tell him I need to know whats going on so I can plan for the kids. I've tried expressing to him how I feel now that our 3rd child is almost due, that it's going to be a lot of work for me to work and take care of 3 kids myself when he's gone. My husband has this thing that I need to work even though we are fine with just his income. I'm not saying I want to quit my job, I love getting out of the house and being able to communicate with other people. I just don't think he understands how much is expected out of me. On top of all that we never find time for ourselves. He's the type of guy that loves having our friends come over every weekand. Every weekand is to much for me and sometimes I just want to relax and spend time with just him. We've been fighting now for 4days because I've stressed my feelings to him regarding work and kids and he blew up at me. I feel like I can't talk to him about anything anymore. Then he tells me the next day he has 2 travel weeks coming up in 2weeks, a week apart from each other. From there everything just kinda exploded into a bigger arugment. it's been 4 days since we've even looked or talked to each other. When we had time to talk he decided a basketball game was more important and turned me away. I feel like our relationship is always on the rocks. The only time we kiss or hug each other is when we're intimate which is once every two weeks if we're lucky. I feel so distant from him. He never sits back to ask me how my day went. And never once asks me how my dr's appts go with this pregnancy. He's so worked up with his job, friends, and sports. I honestly think he forgets I have feelings too. what can I do? He thinks I'm wonder woman or something and I'm not! On my days off from work I enjoy working out for an hour it's my stress reliever, he then has the nerve to say I'm being selfish to put working out over the kids. My kids are always 1st priority to me. He doesn't understand a hour isn't asking for much 4 days out of the week if I'm lucky to have to myself. Not to mention it's okay for him to play basketball once every week and to sit in front of the tv for hours watching sports. Why is he making me feel so guilty when I feel like I put everything I have into making sure the kids and house are taken care of. Sorry I went on and on. I needed to vent to someone. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): it made me so sad reading this. i am almost in the same situation as you. i study full time and look after my new born. he goes to work and after that go to a cafe and have tea as he adores tea and talk to his friends for hours and hours. he says that he needs a break and he is too stress and this is the way to release him from stress. he doent think about my stress and if i need time from him. there is no quality time as parent and child and no quality time as married partners. there is also no communication. i wake up early in the morning and go to bed very late at night and dont get an hour for doing something for myself.
i had to have a better life even if he doent communicate oror doent want to participate. i take my newborn everywhere, shopping, cafe, everywhere. doent mean that if he doent want to do something, i will not do it and be sad. instead, i do everything for myself and baby. you will see, gradually he will start feeling things and will participate
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): I completely and agree with what Satindesire said here: "I can tell you for sure that children would rather see their parents divorced and happy than married and miserable.".
Too many people are hindered on the idea that staying together for the children means creating a sustainable illusion of a happy family. As an individual, you will eventually resent your 'partner' more and more and your feelings will be exposed to your children. It works better if both 'partners' are mature and responsible, but I can see why this may be difficult if you're unsure what your 'partner' may do in such a situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Sounds like a typical marriage, to be honest. And although that doesn't give you much reassurance, you need to force him to sit down and actually talk about all this with you. You're currently putting yourself in the position of future statistic. Your children are all very young and if you can't stay with your husband for yourself, stay with him for the kids.
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