A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a question to do with homophobia. My flatmate and I have been living together for a while now. She has known that I have dated women since before I moved in. The problem is that no matter how much I explain to her that I don't and will never lke her in that way she goes on about it when shes drunk. She introduced me to a couple of people as her 'girlfriend' when she was drunk (as a joke I guess)but she freaks out if I come anywhere near her... hug etc. She has told me that people like me are sick etc. I have told her how hurtful these comments are. I just have never come across anyone who is so over-the-top homophobic. She even thinks that lesbains can turn her into one and says that i can never have another woman to stay in my room. Why is she like this? I know that some people don't agree with it, but why is someone who loves me like a family member (tells me all the time) acting like this when she has known since before I moved in?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): She knew you were gay before you moved in so she must have been alright with it. I believe she's curious and is in major denial mode. Next time she goes on too much about gay people, try teasing her.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 June 2009):
 I would quite honestly find another flat mate. She does seem pretty scared about "gayness" rubbing of on her. It happens and yes specially to people who feel insecure or unsure of their own sexual orientation. She might actually be curious.
Your sexuality is only a small part of you, makes you wonder why it freaks her out so much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): She has told you 'that people like you are sick'??? What a first-rate bitch. You need a new flatmate, fast. If she knew about your sexuality before you moved in, it's preposterous that she dares to tell you you're not allowed sleep with women. How level a playing field is it? Does she own the place, while you pay her rent? If not, I suggest you tell her that you've decided she's not allowed to have a man in her room. No debate: it's just a policy you've decided on and that's that, end of story. I seriously doubt whether you'll ever be able to happy while living in a house where you're unable to fulfil your sexual needs because of someone else's disapproval. I'm looking for a place right now, and one of the first things I'll need to establish is whether my sexuality would bother the flatmate(s). Not sure how to go about it, but it seems a basic requirement for a happy life. If she fires one more homophobic comment in your direction, point out that she's got it wrong, people like HER are actually sick.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): I agree.
Just say to her: "You're straight, right? Well, have you ever hugged a guy in your life that you didn't want to sleep with? It's the same difference."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): It sounds to me like she is confused and is overcompensating. That is, because she has doubts about her "orientation," she overcompensates in her actions and behavior to try to convince others (and herself) that she is straight.
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