A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee goes out of her way to do special things for me all the time but is still obsessing over her exes and when she ends up hearing from them over the phone, email, etc., she starts acting distant with me and sometimes it seems as if she is picking a fight. I do love her but should I see this as a problem?
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 August 2007):
 She may not realise she is acting this way. You don't say how stable your relationship is but as she is your fiancee, I am guessing that you are pretty stable. Its a little unusual (although it happens)for her to still be in contact with her ex's, especially as you two are engaged.
If this is really bothering you, then sit her down calmly and tell her that you are not happy about it and 'did she realise that she was acting different and picking fights?'
Ask her to explain herself and tell her that, although you don't mind her keeping touch with 'previous friends' that you don't want it to affect your relationship...and if it does, then you will have to rethink having a relationship with her. If she avoids the issue or is secretive, then insist she tells you whats going on. If its a regular thing, you may have a problem, but if its only occasionally, it may fizzle out.
Don't allow her to treat you badly, but handle it calmly and maturely and let her know your not happy with this situation.
I hope you can work it out.
Aunty Em x
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