A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi there. i was in a 5 year relationship that ended several years ago. we were best friends and she was my first love. i still consider her my best friend and she still calls me at least once a week to talk to me. i just found out from a friend that she is with someone else now, but she has never told me so. when we talk, she never mentions that she is dating anyone. my question is, why does she still call me after all these years so frequently? is that normal? i never call her, she calls me. i don't know why i take her calls. i guess i feel like i am being mean by ignoring her. truth be told, i am still in love with her and i suspect she knows that, even though i have not told her so after our break up. (she broke up with me). we had a very healthy relationship and the breakup was not nasty. but it left me completely devastated since i was even ready to propose to her. she always tells me that i am the nicest person she knows, and that she values our friendship. i think her love for me just faded over time, but i still feel as though i love her the same way as when we are together despite all the time apart. she lives very far away from me now, so i don't see her physically anymore. but like i said she still calls me regularly. am i doing something wrong by talking to her when i know she is in a relationship with someone else? our conversations are always friendly and have never crossed into anything romantic. even though i still love her, i would never make her cheat with me, because i still have respect for myself and her current significant other. should i stop talking to her? and if so, how do i tell her that? is it possible for us to remain friends if i still love her and she is with someone else? i love her, but i have come to realize that she will never love me the same way i love her. i've tried to meet other girls but i find that i can't seem to fall in love with anyone else. i just don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 5 years is a long time to be with someone. I'd imagine it would be very hard to cut all ties. You don't say exactly why you two broke up but the fact that you did break really means the relationship, at that time, was not working for some reason (for her I suppose if she was the one to end it).
I think that she still has trouble letting go. Not letting go of love or romantic feelings for you but of the comfort she felt when she was with you, the safety and the way you made her feel loved and wanted. She likes feeling those things and perhaps in her current relationship she doesn't feel them but knows she will if she contacts you. It's an easy fix for whatever's lacking in her current relationship.
Having said all that I don't think she has intentions of resuming things with you, and I think that deep down you know that.
I would honestly try and stop talking to her. I know it's hard and you don't want to be rude but it's for your own good. She ended it, she was the one who walked away. So let her go.
I think you're well within your rights to tell her that constant contact with her is not allowing you to move forward in your life and that you would appreciate that she doesn't contact you anymore. It's harsh but in the end it's the best thing for you.
Whatever she's lacking in her current relationship she's getting from you. Once she finds someone who gives her all that, her phone calls to you will stop. She'll 'leave' you again.
You know it's not doing you good and you know it's not leading anywhere. It's your choice to stop it now or continue allowing her back into your life and messing with your emotions.
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