A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi just wanted to know if it is normal for an ex to still call once a week 6 years after a break up. It was a long distance relationship and I was very much in love with her but the distance was something that was very difficult for her. She is also always surrounded by beautiful suitors so I guess it got to be too much. She wound up breaking up with me which was devastating for me. I have tried to move on with my life and have learned to live a single life again. She always calls me. I only really call her on her birthday or some special occasion. I still consider her my friend because she is a good person and I want her to be happy even if it is without me, truth be told I still love her but know she will probably never love me the same way again. She was my first love so it has been a long journey for me to get back on my feet. I just want to understand why she still calls me regularly if she is the one who broke up with me. I guess if I understood this I would be able to heal my heart completely. I have not told her that I want to get back with her, so I don't really understand why she calls me. Our conversations are always platonic and I make no efforts to take it in a romantic direction. She has many friends so I don't know why she still calls me. People tell me to stop talking to her but i feel guilty doing that because I still consider her my friend. I guess I just want to understand what she gets from talking to me. I am the only ex that she has remained friends with so I an sort of perplexed by the whole thing. If I could understand her mentality I think it would make things better for me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 August 2013):
It sounds like you have it all figured out, but just aren't putting the pieces together. She calls you because she values your friendship. Some people are more outgoing than others, or at least they like talking on the phone more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): Maybe because no one understands or gets her like you do.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (5 August 2013):
 Because she loved you and felt very deeply for you, but for whatever reason the relationship didn't work for her. But because she loved you she wants you to remain in her life in some capacity. Just because the relationship didn't work doesn't mean she doesn't have have feelings for you in some way, she obviously loves to talk to you and enjoys you.
Staying friends with someone you still love is very difficult, if she knew she were hurting you she would probably stop. But while you are still talking to her you won't be able to properly move on. And seeing her with suitors will always hurt. I think you should be honest with her, tell her you still love her, and although you love to talk to her it hurts like hell. Give yourself a break for awhile, let yourself move on, be friends later in life when you have completely moved on and you don't feel anything towards her. You don't have to feel guilty or bad. Tell her it is temporary until you can move on properly and be a true friend. She should understand and give you space. You still hang on to hope she will come back to you. Even if you say she never will you do still have a glimmer of hope. That's why you want to know the reason she still does this, in case is means more.
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