A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my fiancee have been together for 5 years now, and have lived together for a year and a half. Since we've been living together my fiancee seems to have lost all interest in sex. He is always saying he is too tired, or has lost his sex drive. I try to make an effort by making a move on him, and he is interested then , it is strange. I have spoken to him about it, for example he promised me a 'sexy surprise' weeks ago, and I said to him the other day I'm still waiting for it! I am worried because I don't want to keep bringing this issue up, it feels like nagging. We have tried having a couple of nights a month where we spend the evening apart doing our own thing. When I see him again I get excited and horny, but he doesn't. He's good to me in every other ways kisses and cuddles, and looking after me, but I feel something is missing.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 At the beginning sex is steamy and you are all over each other because future is unpredictable and you want to do as much as you can before something splits you up. You also want to impress one another about your sexual ability. Now when there is no time limit and you can have it whenever you want, both partners kind of relax. You must not look at lack of sex as lack of love. People get into marriage thinking that it will be happily forever and everyday will be a dating ritual. Then they get into shock when they see the disconnect between before and after. Marriage and monogamy may not be natural for mankind but we are able to make adjustments, or to trick the mind into believing that you and him just met, looking at each other for the first time. You have to train yourself to feel that every day is a new day and you don't know what to expect. That is the feeling you had when you first dated. When you ask about when will be the next time, and anxiously wait for it, you kill the suspense and the magic. This is the something that both of you are missing. Don't take each other for granted.
There are men who can have sex whenever, with whomever and get up whenever. He is not one of them. He needs a deep connection, the perfect timing, and in prime condition to do it. In Tao they say a man loses vital energy if he has sex too much. Some cultures even practice sleeping in separate bedrooms. Don't panic. In time you will realize that sex x times a week is not really a component to happiness. There could be an issue of sexual incompatibility. It is what you do with this difference and how you perceive this situation. Marriage life does not have to be a copy of a cosmopolitan magazine which tells people what is normal, what is not. Also pay attention to his diet and health.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 When a man pursues a woman... it is much the same as a dog chasing an automobile.... He loves the pursuit.... but doesn't know what to do AFTER he catches the thing. (When was the last time you saw a dog at the wheel of a car?)..
Your man pursued you... caught you... and now doesn't know what to do with you....
I suggest that you tell him that the lack of sex (intimacy) causes you stress.... and that you'd like to have a more-active sexual component to your life (and your's and his relationship). If he responds by upping that activity, then you have accomplished what you sought. IF he SEZ that he'll work on it, but then DOESN'T work on it... then you'll know he's caught a car (you!) but doesn't know how to operate it. If so, then you can dump him...
Good luck...
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