A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It’s ok if he moves on and is in a relationship but its not ok for me to do it?. I’m not saying I let him get involved in my life but my question is what can i do for him to stop/protect myself. (I actually don't let him get involved. He finds out this info and I only tell a small amount of people, and then he has his "buddies" figure out who the guy I am seeing is)He has been dating a girl for three years they also plan to get married in the summer. However when a man tries to enter my life or tries to date me he doesn’t like it and goes and messes it up. (By talking crap about me, by hitting or going up to a guy who shows interest in me) (I also haven’t seen him in 5 years and this past summer was my first time seeing him again)If it also helps he has anger issues like very bad anger issues and in the past has hit my ex boyfriend. The reason why he hit my ex boyfriend was because he found out him and i were seeing each other, He went up to my ex and asked him "What's between you and Tara" my boyfriend at that time replied "I love her" and he punched him for saying that, He also had my cousin spy on us. Also tried another time to beat up my boyfriend at that time by trying to take him somewhere far so he can beat him and my boyfriend got away.I was also talking to his cousin once on Facebook and we just had normal "Hey, How are you" conversations and I wake up one day and see that he has blocked me for no reason. I believe that reason was because of my ex. But I now have been dating someone else and he doesn't know and i intend to keep it that way.Advice please? :)
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2017):
 Long and short off it go to the police and ask for a protection order. I hope everyone he hit pressed charges against him. It is the only way he will stop. I don't see why you should do anything or cut people out because he has issues.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 April 2017):
 My advice is that when your ex hits someone. that you and they go to the police and report it, and ask for a protection order. Then go to a doctor, document the damage and sue. Abusers keep abusing because there are no consequences. make sure the consequences occur.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 April 2017):
 I agree with anyone else on here, but there is a very big missing element:
You never mentioned whether or not you or your ex or current boyfriend called the police and pressed charges on this guy for assault. He's going to keep at this until he is held accountable for his actions.
What this is is a case of ego and narcissism. This isn't some harmless jealousy, but a case of serious stalking and possession, and it's hurting people you love, and you by extension.
You also need to communicate to every friend you have that he is stalking you, and that he is assaulting people near you, and then flush out your social media of anyone connected to him. Your cousin needs to know what's going on, or he needs to be cut off.
Your parents, aunts and uncles must also know that this guy is dangerous. Yes, that's right - he's dangerous. How do you know that his next fist isn't going to connect with YOUR face??
You need to make sure he's blocked and anyone connected to him. If your cousin is spying, unfriend them and explain way.
This guy is stalking you. He believes that you are his property, whether or not he's with another woman. This is a controlling, narcissistic trait and he should be jailed the moment he gets it in his head to come near you or someone who knows you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 April 2017):
 Write down all of the episodes. Write down dates if you can remember. Write it all down. Keep all texts and e-mails on other contact he has made with you. Print it out.
Then go to the police and file for a restraining order. This man is stalking you, abusing you and trying to control you. He is using violence and also psychological abuse. What he does is illegal. Go to the police with this.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (30 April 2017):
 This guy is out of control and his interference in your life is unacceptable. Until you stand up to this bully and make it absolutely CLEAR you are not his property, he will carry on acting like he owns you.
In the UK his behaviour would be classed as stalking and there are now laws against this sort of behaviour. I have no idea on the laws in your part of the world but you need to check them out. Also, if he actually physically assaults someone, they need to take this up with the law. You cannot live the rest of your life hiding (or attempting to hide) what you are doing from this idiot.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 April 2017):
 I would be CLEAR with the ex-bf that it needs to stop. And I'd look into stalking laws in your state. If he Is keeping tabs on you, you might BE able to have a restraining order against him.
I would ALSO make my Facebook face PRIVATE and LIMIT who can see your feed and pictures. Go through the list of FB friends and think who MIGHT feed him info. Anyone who you suspect, either remove or downgrade their access.
I'd also consider telling him if it doesn't stop YOU will involve HIS GF. He might NOT like THAT idea at all. But it's kind of iffy as he seems to think he OWNS you. Like, it's his right to "protect his property".
What about his parents? Are they reasonable? If so, that is another avenue to consider. Personally? I'd TELL the new BF what's up with the weirdo EX and then look up the stalking/harassment laws in your state.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017): There are only a few choices I see 1. Move. ( as a charge nurse ( mental health ) my first advise to anyone wishing to combat addiction , this isn't just about the addiction . it's about the social network you have as they play huge factor in your ability to get better . So for you .. you have people in your life who relay information to this ex they must go 2. Cut all his family and friends from your life . That means give up face book . Open up new account use your mother maiden name 3) make new friends 4) go to the police 5) seek a restraining order All these things things you must actively do . If you wish control over your life . He doesn't love you .. if your considering Oo deep down he loves me that's why no ones to have me .. nope that isn't it . He wants control over your life .. he wants to be able to pull strings and hear that you've been dancing or got left on the shelf again . He doesn't want you .. but no ones to have you . Very common narcissistic behaviour .
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