A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have a few questions about my girlfriend. im a lesbian been with my girlfriend just before xmas and we have commitment rings, her idea but yes i know you should take things slow but it feels like we going to slow sometimes. i only stay at hers once a week but we meet for the day sometimes in the week so meet a couple of times a week and she is used to being on her own and said she likes being on her own but does love me and wants to take it slow. she is used to having her own space as she been single a long time and dont like me to stay over too much yet but we got commitment rings. shes told her mum about us and said i will get to meet her parents soon i have met her brother and we going to his wedding soon. thing is though it feels like she dont want to see me too much still and said let it build up over time and when shes at her mums she stays a couple of nights every couple of weeks and does text me but dont let me phone her and wont answer the phone as she hates talking in front of them to me on the phone cause they havent met me yet and hasnt said much about me yet to them but has said shes with someone. they know shes gay and cool with it so its not that. i get down when she goes to see them as we cant talk on the phone and i miss her but i tell her this and she tells me not to go on all the time and carm down with the texting etc give her space. she has said she loves me but never sends loving texts back to me when i send her romantic texts she dont reply the same back. she did say if i had my own place she would stay with me as well and see her more but she likes her own space when shes at hers and used to it. i live with my parents and they wont let anyone stay over but if i had my own place my girlfriend said she would stay as its different then being at hers each time. also we both dont work yet and im scared when she finds a job she wont have much time for me at all. she has told me to relax and not worrie about things go with the flow and build up over time but after 6 months it feels like we still going slow.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): i like your advice and yes will try to show her i can go much slower. she has said about in the future it maybe nice for us to live together. she also said a garden would be nice so will have talk about the future. anyone else with some more advice on this would be good and thanks xx
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (27 April 2011):
It sounds like you are really down and feeling quite needy and insecure to me. She's right that you've only been together a few months, so maybe it doesn't feel right for her to spend more time with you yet. These early stages in a relationship are all about seeing if you can work as a couple.. it may be that you require more attention, and she need more freedom, for things to work out. Or maybe you will be able to find a happy compromise where you both feel happy in the relationship.
I think above all, you need to stop worrying so much. You need to calm down and try and take things less seriously. Relationships are supposed to be (on the whole) a fun adventure and discovery of getting to know another person intimately. They aren't supposed to create drama and make you feel unhappy and alone.
With the summer on the way, why not look forward to a fun time, and make sure you keep the relationship exciting and not drag it down with your insecurities.
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