A
female
age
36-40,
*winkle_123
writes:hey guys, was wondering if you could help me make sense of ex-boyfriend's behaviour.We broke up 3 weeks ago after 2 years together due to us both being unhappy and arguing lots. For me the main source of our problems were his alcohol dependance and extreme mood swings. He always tries to blame everyone else for his behaviour. His family have suspected a mental health problem for 10 years or so but he refuses to get help.When we broke up he said he wasnt sure how he felt anymore but that he wanted to be my best friend. He also mentioned that he's thinking of seeing a therapist. He's also put luvy duvy photos of us on facebook, why would you put pictures of your ex up?!He has been initiating contact by texting me every 3 days or so about random stuff and tries desperatly to keep the conversation going. He keeps calling me pet names and is most interested in what i've been up to. He's clearly checked my facebook as he'll ask me about things ive said im up to on it. We've spoken once on the phone and admitted we missed eachother but agreed we needed time apart to reflect on things. We discussed meeting up, he said its to "see how we get on and discuss how we're feeling about things". He said he wanted to keep our meeting secret from everyone "to stop them interfering and asking lots of questions". This secrecy thing bugged me, im pretty sure theres not another girl. I ended up having to cancel our meeting due to something coming up, he seemed quite miffed.Why do you reckon he keeps contacting me like this? We haven't discussed getting back together.Xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): sounds crazy...divorce group!! most are free or price of literature ($25). my brother went! happiest i've seen him YEARS!
A
female
reader, twinkle_123 +, writes (31 January 2011):
twinkle_123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah it's a weird situation. He hasn't been treating me well for a while because of the drinking and moods. I'm the first serious girlfriend he's had and loved. It was him that mentioned breaking up first, I ended up agreeing which he didnt expect. I'm close with a friend of his who said that she thinks I'm the best thing that's happened to him. She thinks his talk of breaking up is "grass is greener" syndrome and that he would come to regret it.I know deep in my heart that no matter what happens, this time apart is for the best. I was so stressed and at my wits end. It would never work until he sorts himself out. I'm just finding it hard as it feels like he's pushing with one hand and pulling with the other. He was so cruel around the time of our break up. It's been him initiating the contact with me. Do you think he's using me?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): He is dependent on you. Like other things (drink) in his life, he uses you as a prop. You have finished it but it appears he still wants you in his life in any way he can. He has not fully dealt with the breakup and clearly hopes you will get back together. It seems cruel but maybe he needs some time on his own and you also. That would mean minimal contact. Then you can both fully see if you want to get back together. If you know your own thoughts on this and think it is really over - you will need to wean him off you before you meet someone else and all the problems that might cause.
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