A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I recently bought our 1st house - let me make it clear we used our own savings for the deposit and have had no help from anyone with the mortgages payments or refurbishments.My father has been absolutely negative about our house from the start. He nit picks about everything from the size of the living room to the fact that the bathrooms are old (we are having new bathrooms fitted). He has criticised the blinds that the old owners left, he moans about the state of the garden and that it's far from house to drive too (it's a 15 minute drive). Plus other things....The house is in a lovely location and is 3 bed detached- yes it needs work but he keeps slagging the house off. It really hurts my feelings.He's now started to compare it to his friends daughters house (which is a small semi detached house in a not so nice area) and he keeps going on that their house was already decorated and they haven't had to have any work done to it etc... Well good for them- we weren't so lucky - we chose location over decor!I told my dad that I don't appreciate his negative comments and my mum has to him to shut up bit he carries on and I really don't know why. It's almost like he takes pleasure in criticising that we have to do lots of work to do to it and enjoys being spiteful.His attitude has made me so angry that I feel sick as I'm writing this. I mean if he was helping us pay for the refurbishment I could understand himbeing negative but its got nothing to do with him.He offered to help with some bits (we didn't ask him) but he insisted so he went over and sorted out the garden which we appreciate but this doesn't give him the right to say what he's been saying.The last straw was last night when some family friends bought us a house warming gift and my dad couldn't wait totell them about all the work we need to do to it and everything that was wrong with it- once again slagging it off!Does anyone have any idea as to why he's being like this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): I'm the original poster but forgot to take my code
To hereknowswhen- I think you hit the nail on the head 2 as my father was on holiday when we viewed the house & made an offer. We couldn't wait for him to get back otherwise we may have missed out. He did come with us to view other houses before he went away & there was 1 house he particularly liked but we didn't so it may have something to do with that.
If I think about it even when I bought my 1st car he found it for me& even though I kept having trouble with it he blamed my driving however I'm
Sure if I had picked my own car & had the same trouble it would have been my fault for not consulting with him 1st.
I guess I'm going to try& ignore him...
A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 Congratulations on your new home.I think your father is just jealous. I get the impression that perhaps he didn't have much say when you were house-hunting. You did right by yourselves and bought a nice house and he has his nose out of joint. This is his peculiar way of helping you out.My Dad was like that whenever I bought a car (didn't care about buying houses) and dared to do it on my own... it was never good enough. `What? You bought a car!?!' `Where did it come from?' `How much did it cost?' `Hmmp! too much!' `Is it roadworthy' `That **** won't last a two weeks' Etc... You get the picture. If it wasn't one thing it was something else. The good thing is that all the ranting eventually settled down.You're in the big league now. Daddy's little girl has really grown up.Please don't get too down about this, it's tough, but sometimes Dads need a little time and in the meantime you've got a free gardner.All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): Because you don't set the proper boundaries with him and like a little girl, still need his approval and direction. You have not made the transition from daughter to grown woman and wife. It's no different than a momma's boy who allows his mother to burst in and set the terms...disrespecting his wife and marriage by making her opinion the reigning priority. Your fear of losing his love and approval is stronger than your respect of house and marriage you are building with your new husband.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): "It's almost like he takes pleasure in criticising that we have to do lots of work to do to it and enjoys being spiteful."
Substitute "exactly" for "almost."
"Does anyone have any idea as to why he's being like this?"
Guessing your father is jealous or angry or resentful towards you because home ownership is a milestone he did not achieve until later in life than you (if at all) and/or you were able to buy a house on your own without needing his help.
Or perhaps he can't accept the reality that you are now an independent adult woman successfully living on your own
but he still needs to feel needed so in his mind he's not criticizing you, he's offering fatherly advice and counsel.
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