A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:this might sound like a stupid question, but why does my boyfriend want a threesome so much? My bf and i have been together for nearly 3 years and we've swapped partners with another couple once before, and while it physically felt great I felt incredibly guilty afterwards and felt like I had cheated. He's now presuring me to do it again.He says he would find it a turn on to see me with another person, when to be honest i think he just wants to have sex with someone else while still being with me (having his cake and eating it!)it's making me doubt if i'm good enough in bed for him :(so why does he want it so badly?and should I go along with it despite my misgivings?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 March 2008):
 So let's go forward in time to 3 or 5 or 10 years from now.
Either you've agreed to threesomes/swaps or you haven't.
Let's say you have agreed, and you feel physically great about them afterwards but feel guilty every time. So what do you have then? A relationship in which he gets to see you sh*g someone he's approved for you while you enjoy the immediate moment but over time it gets old and downright infuriating to see him with another woman, even though you've agreed to it.
Let's say you haven't agreed. How long does he pester you about another try at the multiple couple thing. One year, two years, three years? More?
Suppose he doesn't wait for your approval and decides that he needs a bit of a change. Would he tell you about that?
I would think very carefully about what you want and what you're willing to do now and in the long term, because now is when your relationship with this man is being defined.
You may not like the answer, but you may like the future with him even less....
A
male
reader, pipgib +, writes (4 March 2008):
Dont be pressured into anything you are not comfortuble with clearly he does not care or respect you and does not care about your feeling or your relationship get rid of him find someone who really cares for you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): Or maybe you should be doubting whether he's good enough for you.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (4 March 2008):
 no - you shouldnt go along with this despite your doubts. why do something you dont want to just to please someone else? leave this guy, so he can have all the guilt free sex he wants with other ppl. fair enough if you both enjoyed it and wanted to do it again - but if he is pressuring you to do something like this, i think that the problem lies deeper. sex is more physical for guys then it is for girls, but that doesnt justify him wanting to sleep with someone else. if this guy is making you feel so unsure about yourself, and is upsetting you - then why are you staying?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): Sex is different for men, it's more physical, while for women, it's more emotional. For a lot of men, sex is both the means and the end, while for women, sex is more the means to a satisfying relationship. So he's more likely to want to have sex that is different or not normal, or be more adventurous. I know that's the case with me. I would love to have a threesome with my girlfriend and another woman, but she would never go for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): ''If you dont fulfil his desires, someone else will.''
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