A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We were both in other relationships when we met meaning we were having an affair and broke up with them to be together. Its been 10 months since I moved into my apartment with my mum. My boyfriend spends time with me every weekend, he comes early morning but will always leave about 6pm in the evening.Even if we go out he will always go back home and never spend the night. The only time we spend the night together is if we are out of town on a trip together. Popular belief would assume he is living a double life or maybe yet has not left his ex as he told me. I don't think so because when we were having an affair he had to pick all her calls and now those calls are in-existent so I don't think this a possibility. And he doesn't give me reason to think he is cheating. We are very compatible in many ways, he is very detailed about me and shows concern, care and affection, yet he is very strong headed, definitely dominant in character; he talks to me most of the day when he's at work. I've been to his workplace for lunch on several occasions so his workmates know me. He shows me all the affection I can dream of, very attentive, helps me around the house, will even do my laundry, buy things for my apartment, do my yard work; declares his love, sex is great..a perfect relationship except that he doesn't spend the night. When I ask him he says he is not ready to spend the night and that's just that. Yet he has asked to move in twice and i said no i wasn't ready yet because of my ex as it hasn't been even a year since my separation;just too soon. He also is not available in the evenings as much as day, he has a routine before he sleeps,but he will call rarely to let me know where he is and mostly texts me goodnight before he sleeps. We talk and text not an unusual behavior. I also haven't been to his new temporary place, since he broke off with his ex, he is in temporary living with relatives and says he doesn't feel comfortable me going over his place because it is too crowded. I have met some of his friends, he has met some of mine and my family. I haven't met his parents, he said he just wants to give it time since he recently broke off with his ex not to confuse too many faces; but I have met his teenage son who doesn't live with him as he brought him to my place to introduce me. He adores his son. What do you think? He also mentioned once to me, that all he asks for is time. I didn't ask time for what but we were in a deep conversation about our relationship. Other than him not sleeping over and me not going to his place I have no other issues.I think this captures the picture. Cant wait to hear all the opinions :)
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affair, at work, broke up, his ex, moved in, my ex, text, workplace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Staceily +, writes (6 November 2012):
 He asked you to move in but you can't even visit him at his place or meet his parents...? Then where would you move in to? I don't get any of this. To me it does sound like a double life. He can't be with you after 6pm because of a regimen he has before he goes to bed? I'm sure. What is the proof that his ex is completely out of the picture? He cheated on his wife with you so it isn't a big stretch that he would lie to you as well. Be aware of this. And when something just doesn't make any sense, like not being able to sleep at his house or he at yours for such a long long time, it's for a reason.
A
male
reader, tamperingtampaguy +, writes (6 November 2012):
Your last line says it all. Those may only be 2 issues but they are big issues. There is a dynamic going with his living arrangement and his family that he is embarassed to tell you. Communicate always seems to be my answer and in this case no different.
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