A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why does my boyfriend get very flirty chatty with girls when hes had alcohol but is not like this at all when sober and would never disrespect me by even checking out a hot girl in front of me!Should I worry? I do worry in case he gets really drunk and takes it further than he would if he was sober. If he didnt drink he would not even consider flirting with women
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2014): Alcohol lowers the inhibitions and gives people liquid courage. When you're buzzed, your judgment may be challenged; and you may become more talkative and overly friendly.
Tell him he often has too much to drink when you go out.
It embarrasses you.
Be direct. Talk before you go out for a night that will include alcohol. Tell him you're losing patience with his flirting and misbehavior with other women when he has been drinking, and you want it to stop. Make him promise he will behave, handle his alcohol, and be a gentleman. Let him know you don't want to be his girlfriend if he has a drinking problem. Don't be a wimpy whiny girlfriend.
Demand your proper respect under all circumstances.
If it doesn't stop after you have asked him to. Dump him!
It's a red-flag. He has a drinking problem, and that's a lot worse then being a flirt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2014): Almost all straight, healthy men will "look" at other women. We can't help it, it's just in our nature. Sometimes that looking might lead to a bit of flirting. But as humans, we are in control of how we react to these situations and how we proceed. Faithful men will flirt, wink, etc. and that's it. The simple fact alone that he gets drunk and then gets a bit flirty with other women, to me, is nothing to be worried about. It simply means he's opening up and lowering his inhibitions, as alcohol does. It doesn't mean he thinks you're unattractive or that his feelings for you are any different. Of course, I wouldn't be being fair if I didn't say it's *possible* that he might have a wandering mind, but based on this "symptom" alone I don't think you have anything to worry about. It is also possible that he is just a normal man and has the desire to look at all women, but he tries hard to refrain because he doesn't want to offend you. Such deliberate behavior control gets more difficult when drunk. If it bothers you that much, approach him (when he's sober!) and point it out. Do NOT be defensive or accusatory, simply state your concern and let him respond as he sees fit. Part of any good relationship is good communication. You should not have to fear expressing your opinions, and neither should he. Talk to him and ask him about it, and see what he says. Remember, YOU also have to trust him, and control your own insecurity; if you show him you don't trust him and that you expect him to wander, then he very well might. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (25 August 2014):
 I'm having trouble interpreting. I'm not sure if your boyfriend really does turn into a sleazeball and start blatantly checking out girls and hitting on them, or if he just gets drunk and overly friendly, so he starts talking up everyone and buddying up to anyone who will tolerate his drunk behind.
If you trust him, then you trust him. A man worthy of your trust would not cheat on you, even if he was filthy drunk.
If he is not trustworthy when he's been drinking, then he is probably not trustworthy at all - that, or he has a problem with alcohol and should address that pronto.
If he doesn't seem to have a problem with the bottle, and you worry because he gets a little friendlier after a few drinks - then I don't think you have to be concerned. Everyone drinks and gets more social (either that, or they turn mean and nasty - a much ickier symptom).
Good luck, sweet!
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