A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I really think this is a serious problem but I don't know if it's just me or not.My boyfriend is friends with a woman who doesn't like me and bullied me in High School (my boyfriend did not go to our school). He met her through friends of his a couple of months ago. When I found out my boyfriend met this girl, I honestly felt sick to my stomach. This really upsets and bothers me a lot.Sorry to be blunt about it, but she is what most would call a major slut and she is a very mean and immature woman. The type that stole girl's boyfriends, cheated on guys, was very mean to other women and was always into the typical drama.Not only does she not like me, but she has been trying to get really close with my boyfriend (Flirting, telling him that she loves him, always trying to talk with him). Being that she knows a few of my boyfriend's friends, they're in contact a lot. And yes, she knows he is with me.I went through four years of school with this woman so I witnessed a lot of her behavior and I know a lot about what kind of person she is. She put me through absolute hell.My boyfriend on the other hand has no clue what she is like and how she has treated me and it's so frustrating because it's like I have no proof that this girl treated me the way she did.School ended last year and she is still the exact same person she was. She's still mean to me but she acts so innocent and nice with my boyfriend, he probably wouldn't believe anything I told him anyways. I have simply told my boyfriend before that this girl doesn't like me and was so mean to me in school. It's like it went through one ear and out the other. He didn't really seem to pay much attention to it.I hate that this girl flirts and talks with my boyfriend. I don't trust this woman at all. He knows she doesn't like me but continues to be friends and be nice with her.I've been with him for 3 years now. Our relationship has been going so good. I would never be friends with someone who didn't like my boyfriend. Now I feel like my insecurities by this situation are going to ruin my relationship. Am I in the wrong here?I hope I don't sound ridiculous. I just feel so betrayed by all of this. What would you do if you were in this situation?
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female
reader, ThinkingOverdrive  +, writes (11 April 2013):
Why didn't you show your boyfriend the messages from the girl? If he would believe this girl over your word I'd say that's a problem in itself. Personally if I was in this situation I'd have a frank conversation with him about it, but like the other poster said you can't tell him who he can be friends with, but his reaction should tell you how much he values your feelings. Just try to get on with things as if she didn't exist - she probably wants to get a reaction out of you and so far it's working. If you act like she's bothering you by flirting with him, it's just showing her that you're worried your boyfriend is capable of being 'stolen' by her. He probably tells her you have a problem with their friendship. Just act like it doesn't bother you, but perhaps just have a conversation with him about it; after that just drop it because there's nothing you can do apart from getting on with it as if you couldn't care less about it
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): OP here. Hi Mishmash, thank you for your time and answer. When I referred to this girl as a boyfriend thief, I understand that it might have been immature, but I was just trying to be detailed about what I've witnessed with this girl's behavior. I was just trying to explain some examples of what she does so everyone could try and understand more about this situation and what I went through. I understand my boyfriend can pick his own friends, but it just doesn't feel right with me that he continues to be friends with a girl who he knows treats me so badly and has even been flirting with him. I have been with him for 3 years now and I just think he should be taking this situation seriously. And yes to your statement about being stuck in the same social mind set, I understand that but I have been around this girl since graduating from school and she still treats me the same way. Just a couple of months ago she was sending me very hurtful text messages and even recently she has been sending mean messages on facebook and which I blocked her.I just feel like my boyfriend should be more understanding about this and should be on my side and I feel like him being friends with this woman is disrespectful towards me and it just really hurts...that's all.I will be happy to answer any questions or if anyone would like me to clarify anything. Thank you all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): You two are both adults. It's not as if you can tell him who he can and can't friends with. You've apparently graduated from high school but you still seem to be stuck in the same social mind set. Though this woman may have mistreated you in the past, calling her a "major slut" and framing her as boyfriend thief doesn't give you any moral high ground here. It just makes you sound petty and equally immature.
My advice is to be gracious and let him be an adult. Let him choose his own friends and acquaintances.
You should also be an adult about this, if he flirts back or if he forgoes time with you because of her, don't whine or blame this woman, take action. If something he's doing bothers you so much and you can't put up with it, make a decision about your priorities, what you want, and leave him. This all involves you making the adult choice about what you can and what can't put up with.
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