A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ModNote: Dysthymia: neurotic depression, less severe but longer lasting bouts of / symptoms of than major depressive episodes.Experience little joy in their lives.Hi everyone, I have a very important thing I would like to discuss, does anyone know about dysthymia? My boyfriend said he gets in these moods where he is depressed, lonely, down, vunerable, emotionally disconnected from me and everyone else. He says he masturbates and porn cheers him up. He wants to be alone and not with anyone, then why would he watch porn and masturbate? Afterwards he feels bad and ashamed for not feeling anything for me - he basically can't remember me. He said he felt like it was all a nice dream. I argue with him all the time about it he claims i am belittling his depression. He claims he uses it when he's happy but thinks of me on those times.How can he see me lots then suddenly forget about me? Has anyone else been here? He hates the fact i'm more bothered about the porn more than him not feeling anything for me. It feels like he gets cheered up because they are so gorgeous. When I tried get him to stop using porn he just kept saying he needed visual stimulation it feels like he just wants to look at beautiful women when he's down.All the other areas are fine in our relationship but I can't get past knowing he wanted to look at these other women when i was trying to stop him. I thought we had a strong bond from the beginning, if he found me more attractive than them why try carry on regardless of my crying and moaning?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJeni, no i wouldn't i would totally understand not being allowed to fantasize over other people. I would love the day a man says that to me. He did stop but i can't forgive him wanting to look at other women. We were doing it quite alot yet still finds the time doesn't he. I made a f*cking effort aswell. I would of thought after my previous relationships id get a break from this kind of cr*p.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): I personally don't see why other woman have such a huge issue with porn.
He's not doing anything wrong,he's not cheating on you or chasing another woman!!
Would you like it if he told you,you weren't allowed to masturbate or look or fantasise about anyone else?!
You'd be annoyed right?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): How you react is not going to affect his porn use whatsoever but it will deteriorate your relationship if you keep whining and crying about it. It really makes no difference how you react to his porn because he will still use it the same amount. Your reactions and how you feel about it will only influence how much he hides it or how open he is about it, if anything.
If you can't accept it, then for your own sanity, get out of the relationship. You shouldn't stay in a relationship where you feel your self esteem diminish over someone's behavior.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous  +, writes (5 April 2012):
I also wanted to add not all men look at porn only a majority. I think its very important at the start of a relationship to discuss sexual needs and preferances as well as pornography usage. Hope that helps. I know i didnt give you advice that you wanted to hear but its the only true advice i could give. I really feel for you and hope things get better for you and your bf.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (5 April 2012):
Hi have no experience with your bfs medical/mental disorder however it is very clear you have a problem with it and clear that he isnt going to stop when you ask. I do have to agree with him it would bother me more to hear he feels nothing for me as opposed to his porn useage and its quite possibly that the two play off each other. Hence he feels nothing for you so he watches porn to feel happy. But understand he is not feeling true happiness just a physical release which maybe the only thing hes felt close to happiness. My advice is for him to seek proffessional help. And it may benefit you to go to counselling if you want to stay with him. My advice for you is understand he will not stop looking at porn anytime soon if ever. Perhaps he can decrease his usage. But if you can not get past him looking at porn and it affects you to the point of misery then part of you will never be truely happy and you may want to consider your options and rethink your relationship altogether. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, BMWS +, writes (5 April 2012):
Pornography and masturbation are natural tools for men. I couldnt have a happy sex life without porn. Doesnt mean that I dont love my gorgeous gf, its just that the visual stimulus and energy of porn, the fanstastical, gratuitous, humorous quality taps into the male psyche in a way that some women cant understans. My advice is that you leave your bf to his porn..give him his space and try to understand male needs.
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