A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Let's put this way. I find him attractive, but I don't think I liked the way he grooms himself. I know that he likes me, but then, I used to ignore him neither did I try to entertain that glimpse of attraction I felt. So basically we were friends, really good friends. My feelings were really neutral. The conflict started when, I tried to get engaged with him, I mean, I used to advice him about how to control his romantic feelings, I wasn't ready then, and I was still neutral even about considering him or not. I didn't say anything. I always want to be safe and real to myself, who knows, I might like him in the future, I was just certain that I am not ready about entering relationship then. I remained opened to the possibility maybe in the future I get to consider him. I remained platonic in my dealings with him. Though I know the object of his desire was me. I did manage at first. Then one night, we were together, and we had our first kiss. Electric, it was my real first kiss with a guy. I don't know why I could say that, but I can't forget the moment. it is not perfect, we were nervous both. It's funny how I got into the situation of really savoring my first kiss with someone like him. Yeah I'm judgmental about him. But as always, every time I came to reflect, there's one side of me that tells that he was not my ideal kind of guy especially in character. He's disorganized, while I'm for the opposite. And I can't imagine living with someone like him. Then the times we spent together become frequent. We get together around past midnight. I like the feel of being sneaky like a detective. And I began to sense myself being so excited of the whole idea. Running away with someone and being back before sun the rises. the process goes on, and we made love; many many times. I can't explain the feeling. I know I don't like him. I made that certain. It is so ironic, that I don't like him 90/% but my body likes him 100%. Yes, it sounds weird, you can call it lust if you want, but there's a distinct difference I know but can't just figure it out. I'm afraid I never regret any moment doing it with him, doing it for him and doing it with again and again with him. It feels, like I'm tied to that fact. I'm silently happy it was him. Until now, I never imagined making love with someone other than him, but at the same, there are so many things I dislike about him. can't find it out really what I'm into. It is different when we’re around people. Then we both realized that we are in a relationship called "friends with benefits." Yes, I never wanted change. We were not verbal about it. We are in the same circle and others have no idea what is going on between us. All they know is that he is still hoping for me to give him the chance. And here I am fooling around with him. I know the situation is reversed; here I am a girl messing around with guy who wants me. Our friends, so blind about these silent lovescapade. But really when I came to think of it. I know I actually am messing around with myself. I’ve been trying to affirm the fact that certainly it will not be him. But then I get so weak around him. you see, I can't resist him sexually. I know it's beyond lust because, there are moments when I tried to divert my focus off him, sexually, but still it’s him that I want to make love with. And every time I see a movie, it's him that I imagine. It got to reflect about our situation through a song by Sergio Mendes "What do we mean to each other." My logical mind, does says a hundred of reasons not to consider him, and these reasons are affirmed by my friends. But deep inside, I miss him in bed. So shameful I know. Now, we I stopped communicating, Or rather,I ended up our communication by my being silent. We are just civil every time we get together, and our friends seem to notice that silence between us. but they sure know the honest reason why I can't commit myself to him just yet, there are certain things he must learn first. It the same reason that our personality doesn't have many things in common. But silently, I cannot ignore the fact that though, he's little bit slightly immature on some aspect, I am drawn to him. what's this? love and hate? pls help. we stopped communicating becuase I don't want to drag him with my indecision, indecision to commit to him or not. I keep my silence. It's hard to ignore him totally becuase we got to see each other every week. Now get to see each other almost everyday becuase we got our hang outs often becuase of celebrations, like birthdays, anniversaries, and etc. I manage to get past him for few months now. He didnt' disturb my silence. and I thank him for that. bt lately, I got back to the feeling of missing him so intensely that I get disturb. I can't concentrate doing something. The usual teasing of our friends somehow aggravate the matter. And I can sense, he is trying to connect again, somehow even with just the way he look at me. I can't look at him straight to the eye. God, I'm weak again.
View related questions:
engaged, immature, teasing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 first off you know from the very beginning the guy liked and you and you dint feel the same for him,that was it then and there you should have stopped talking to him for a while and help me get over you..by doing this it looks like your just enjoying the fact that he likes and taking advantage cause you know for a fact if you make a move he will be up for it..
If you keep messing around with him,he will never find a girl who genuinely likes him and is ready to accept him with all his flaws..and everyone has flaws noone is perfect but when you accept that person with all his flaws and make it work it turns into a strong relationship..
You have just made up your mind that this guy is not my type so I'm never going to date him,you never went with an open mind..but the guy with you would always have the hope may be she'l realise and give me a chance..
If you don't like him then stop it right here,u can't have lust take over,if you can't give him a chance then let someother girl do it..!
Avoid hanging out around him that often,it will just worsen the feelings u have for him right now!
There seems to be intense passion between you two,there are sparks but if you can't handle it all together then let it go for good!!don't be friends with benefits with someone who loves you,then its called' playing them',you don't want to be that person..
Good luck with everything hun x
|
