A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend talks to this older guy. She is 24 and he is late 40s. When I found out, she said I don’t need to know what i don’t need to worry about - she is very loyal to me. I did not like the fact she spoke to him daily. I became increasingly concerned when she would video call him. One day I couldn’t take it and I messaged his other half saying why is your man messaging my girl. Well suddenly I was made like the bad guy. Not only did my girlfriend find out within 1 minute both ladies had a go at me for not trusting my gf. I felt like I was wrong. So I let it all go and thought I’m stupid for even making this a big deal. A month later, I went onto my Facebook and I see her wall planted with his posts and memes. It gave me an indication that he knows a lot about her. I don’t understand why he is giving her so much attention when he has his own wife. They live far from each other, so it’s not like they can meet - these were her words to comfort me last time. Anyway am I overreacting? Since I seen these harmless posts it really bothers me and it really playing on my mind. I did ask her to not speak to him last time. I don’t understand why she is desperate? They met via a game they played online where he messaged her first. I’m feeling so shit. I don’t think talking to her will help as she will blame me. Honest opinions please.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2021): It sounds like a pretty sketchy situation.
Someone else asked, "why a man in his late 40's want to correspond with a 24 year old girl via gaming." Having once been a man in my late forties, younger women are desirable and that is just being polite.
People that cheat, also say that their partners have trust issues. If it bothers you so much, walk away. You might be miserable if you walk away but you already know you will be miserable if you stay. If I was in your position, I would.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (28 December 2020):
 IMHO if you want a faithful girlfriend, this is not the girl for you. Find a girl who prefers to be with you. Find someone who will put the kind of effort you GF is putting into the Other Man into your relationship.
To put it as bluntly as possible, Never make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2020): She's 24 you're 35ish she's conversing with a guy in his 40s. Sounds like she has a thing for older guys.
Even if that's not true it sounds like you have told her how you feel and she has dismissed your concerns. You can talk to her again but I expect you will get the same response. So the question is what are you willing to tolerate?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2020): Dude, seriously?!! You called his wife???
I guess the wife and your girlfriend has already handled this better than any of us ever could! They got you right there on the spot! She told you there was nothing to worry about. You made a donkey of yourself by calling his wife to tattle on him! Presuming she didn't know, and accusing both your girlfriend and the man of cheating without any evidence to support it. You are a man in his 30's, and should have more acumen and tact.
She told you he was cool, he is a married-man, and his wife knows they chat. They all attest this to be innocent (yet strange); but he's nothing more than a game-nerd and maybe somewhat juvenile. She has a thing for older-guys, but maybe she finds it easier to talk to older-people than people her own age. I always did at her age. He's probably her gaming-mentor, someone she looks up to for his skills; but nothing more than that.
If gaming is involved, it all seems nerdy; and distance keeps things in proper perspective. As for the video-chatting? You are justified to show your concern and discomfort. That's taking it a bit far; when she has never met this dude in-person! That makes it a safety issue!
I'm not going to dismiss your concerns, because she is your girlfriend; and maybe the communication is somewhat unusual. Gamers are a clique, and if you're not of that ilk; she has found somebody who understands that particular interest.
If it comes down to your forbidding her to even speak to the guy, I think you may be blowing this matter out of proportion. It's becoming contentious, and now you're fighting about it. Once it becomes a battle of wills, she'll resent being told what to do; and will only do it just to prove a point.
Be vigilant, but back-off! It should run its course. If they decide to start meeting each-other, that's when it's time to hit the brakes.
Now that he knows you're aware, I think he'll watch his step. That should be enough. For the time-being, take an extra-strength chill-pill! Keep an eye on things, but don't keep confronting her about it. If it gets on your nerves enough, and you feel she's conniving and up to no-good; then man-up and dump her. If you've got to fight over a woman; she's not as into you as you're into her.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 December 2020):
 Despite your best efforts, your girlfriend seems determined to keep up very regular contact with this guy. I have to ask, is this how you want to carry on living your life?
While I don't condone snooping on her and contacting this guy's wife, nor can I condone you telling her who she can and can't have as a friend, daily contact with someone she has not met seems a little odd to say the least. Also a bit strange that his wife would attack you over this.
How is your relationship with your girlfriend, this ersatz affair aside? If something is taking away energy from your relationship, then it is a problem, regardless of whether they are likely to meet or not. Trying to justify what she is doing by saying he lives too far away for them to meet is a giant cop-out.
Sorry, in my opinion you have two choices here: put up with things the way they are, hoping the relationship eventually runs its course and he disappears off the scene, or ask yourself whether this is how you want to carry on living.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 December 2020):
 As an online gamer myself, I talk to a LOT of people that I game with. I've played one of my games since 1999 on and off. So I have "met" a lot of people, some I have met in person too (with my husband). In the game age is not really the focus as to who you talk to, run missions with etc.
Most people in my "guild" I have talked to on the phone, over Skype and over discord. And there is nothing sexual about it or strange (if I say so myself). BUT - it's NOT daily. And usually it's about either the game or hobbies, travel. So it's not SO personal. Though I have known some of these people for a long time.
However, I would find it a little off if my husband was talking to a player in her early 20's DAILY. And I think he would find it odd if I were talking to a guy in his early 20's DAILY. That just seems off.
I think calling/messaging his wife is weird of you. It does show a lack of trust and bit of control. I think you were hoping to sabotage whatever is going on, all you did was SHOT yourself in the foot.
She is 24 and should be able to have friends of all ages, IMHO.
What I find iffy is that she didn't tell you about this guy, you "found out" (which means what? you snooped?)
I think the fact that she hasn't been open about this "friendship" is a bit of a red flag.
It could be ABSOLUTELY innocent innocuous conversations they are having. You don't know. (or you didn't mention)
It's a "cop out" to say :" I don’t think talking to her will help as she will blame me."
YOU are a whole GROWN ASS MAN, so suck it up and TALK to her. Tell her that you find it just a bit much how much she talk to him, see what she says.
And remember this, it is NOT your job to tell her WHO she can talk to, make friends with - you are NOT her father or mother. If this bothers to THIS much, maybe SHE isn't the right one for you.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (26 December 2020):
 So she is talking to a guy considerable older than herself that she met through gaming.
All sounds a bit dodgy to me, as to why a man in his late 40's want to correspond with a 24 year old girl via gaming. They have obviously exchanged details and have each other on social apps. This has got red flags written all over it.
Where did you get the wife's number from?. And why was she ok with this?. That's if it was the wife you spoke to, because like the guy she is talking to she could of been anyone.
It sounds like he is acquainting himself more day by day and she is becoming more and more comfortable with him. Will one day she end up going off to meet him and not tell anyone?.
OP this guy could be anyone, even dangerous. There are some serious red flags here. Why don't you talk to her parents about this and tell them your concerns and see what they have to say about all this.
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