A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi i'm 18 and am in a wonderful relationship. Don't get me wrong I love him, I really do, but he's not a vigin and I am. I know it shouldn't bother me so much but it does and I don't know why. He knows I want to wait to have sex untill I get married and he has no problem with that. He's never even brought up the subject before other than the one time. When he told me he wasn't a virgin it didn't bother me, but the closer I get to him the more it bothers me. He's only ever been with one girl and used a condom every time. I don't know what to do. I don't even know why it bothers me. So my question is why does it hurt me so much that he's not a virgin and what should I do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): It has to do with closeness. The fact that he was once so close to someone else makes it a bit more of a challenge for the relationship to carry the closeness without physically involved. Don't get me wrong, your way of staying a virgin until married actually requires more of the relationship to prove long term lasting. Because of the fact that you two have to work to build a "real" long term loving relationship will pay off in the end. If he can prove he can build a real relationship with out getting physical, the marriage will mean more and the physical relationship after words will mean so much more. Stick to it but trust your instincts for only true love will tell.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): I'm in a similar situation, I'm 17 and still a virgin, however my boyfriend has been with several girls which I find really hard to come to terms with. Despite how much I know he values me, I find it hard to accept.
The very fact that your boyfriend is happy to be with you although you're waiting until you get married to lose your virginity suggests that he respects and loves you enormously.
I guess it's just natural to hate the thought of your partner being with anyone but yourself, but however hard it is you have to accept that what he did is in the past and the most important thing is your relationship in the here and now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): He obviously thinks a lot of you and doesn't just want you for sex or he would have left by now. And if he thought as much of the person he had sex with he would still be with her. So thank your lucky stars you have someone who really cares.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 November 2008):
 Just accept that NOT being a virgin is not the end of the world, and move on to other interests.
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