A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay this is a long story. I have a very wonderful man in my life and in August it will be a year. We're technically engaged but I don't know about that just yet. He's always been somewhat of a loner but we hang out 5 out of 7 days a week. It used to be less because we needed "personal" days but he told me that spending time with me and "personal" days were started to be the same thing to him. Well, I have suffered from severe depression before. I also suffer from INTENSE PMS as well. It makes me insanely depressed for no reason at all and sometimes I have a bad habit of trying to find things to blame for the way I feel-which usually includes feeling like he'd be happier without me. Tuesday, things were wonderful. Wednesday, things were good until severe sadness hit me Wed. night and I decided to take a quick drive just to calm myself and clear my head. He woke up because he heard me leaving his house and freaked out because I have had history of suicide attempts. His fear was reasonable but I didn't know how to explain what was going on and he kept pressuring me for an answer so I freaked and just said I thought he'd be better without me. We talked for a while and went to bed feeling okay. He came over Thursday...and was a zombie. He was miserable and blaming it on his sleepiness. He also lacked some affection-though he did make a slight effort. He even went to bed around 7ish. I've been talking to him at his job through e-mail today and I left him a phone message and stuck a note in his little bag he carries. He commented on how sweet they were and he seemed okay until randomly popping up with wanting a few days alone. The last time he pulled this, he was considering leaving but realized he made a mistake and stayed with me. This time, however, is different considering he still wants to talk on the phone at night and says that if there was a serious problem with our relationship he'd tell me. He also has yet to respond to my last message telling him I was going out with a friend and "I love you" Is it possible he really DOES just want alone time? I don't get why he would and why so suddenly? Should I trust him when he tells me there's nothing wrong or should I be worried?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (11 July 2008):
 I think that what he said to you about "if there was a problem with the relationship, that he would tell you" is the statement that stuck out here for me, so it sounds like he really loves you. How lucky are You!
BUT, having said that, girl, you have to get into therapy. Whatever issues that you have, you have brought them into your relationship, and they are Wearing on him. He is trying to be there for you; and is being a saint, but YOU have to realize that this is wearing him out. It isn't surprizing to me that he needs a break, because you are kind of making him be totally responsible for you, and that's not entirely fair. Partners take care of each other. SO, with all of these big issues, you need to get into therapy and take care of Yourself. That will take the pressure off of him and he can simply love you instead of worrying about you 24/7. He's your lover, not your parent or your caregiver. You have to start taking responsibility for your own health and issues, and how they affect others. Start by seeking a good therapist. Be prepared to "try on" a few, not every psychiatrist or therapist is the right fit. When you find the one who works well with you, you will know. I'm sure there are guides to help you on line in what to look for in a counselor if you google it. Forgive me if this sounded harsh, it's not meant to be, that's not the reason for this advice. I hope that everything works out for you, Hunnie. Good Luck and Take Good Care of Yourself!
XXX
A
female
reader, I care +, writes (11 July 2008):
 It's really hard for anyone to really comment on this man's future intensions with you. It sounds to me that he really does Love you but you are playing a lot of emotional head games with him that could be driving him away. You need to stop and love him and let him love you. Live for the day and the moment quit questioning his love. Look at it this way sweetie would you like someone constantly running around questioning you about the love you truely have for them. Some times you need to put yourself in your partners shoes and ask yourself would you put up with this and if you answer no than to make your relationship work you need to change your behaviour and let the walls that you built around your heart fall down and let him get close to you.As the old sayings go ask of someone else only the thing that you yourself would be willing to give or tolerate or except.
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