A
female
age
51-59,
*ittleBlueOne
writes:Hi everyone, please help me!I was with my guy for 2 1/2 years, and I love him dearly. But he was to go to Russia or Virginia the first of December, and I asked for a committment before I either waited years for him or traveled across America with him.He stated, "I was going to propose before I went to Russia." (What is the difference between then and 4 weeks from then??? Why didn't he propose if he knew it meant I would leave without a committment?)and then said, "I was going to take you to Virginia with me, but not get married yet." I left. Then he contacted me and asked if I were going to continue on with him or find someone new.I am on sabbatical in another state right now due to this, and due to an interesting job assignment. OK, I took the assignment to go on sabbatical, you know how it is.... and am unsure what to do. He emailed me asking why I was out of state, but I am doing the no-contact thing until he calls. I just feel like if he really loves me, he will call me and say so.He is 49 and I am 38. Am I in love with him? Very much so. Did we fight a lot? No. I lived with him for 5 weeks, before that we had a committed, long-distance relationship where we spoke on the phone every day, and neither one of us cheated. He never treated me badly, and was there through a lot of my hard times. But insofar as effort to come and see me? I almost always traveled to see him. He is my best friend, but I cannot see myself getting strung along for years and years either. He is the love of my life, but if a man wants to marry you, he will, right???So, questions are: How long does a man wait to call you if he is going to? Why does he sign on to his messenger showing he is online to me? Is this a game to see if I will contact him first? Why ask if I want to continue on with him, and when I say I need to think about it, then e mail him and say yes, but that I don't wish to discuss marriage again for the time being, then no more phone calls from of him?I have numerous eligible, wonderful men who wish to date me, and 3 are very interested in marriage. (NO, I never cheated, nor did I have these men on the line, so to speak) What should I do??Thank you so much for listening!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): Sorry babes, but we aunts and uncles here at Dear Cupid don't really like games. We like happy relationships that work, we like when people are happy and in love. The no contact thing can work, and is sometimes necessary when relationships are bad. But this guy has stood beside you during the bad times, you get on and think highly of one another. You have been faithful and the relationship is strong. He has indicated that he wants to marry you. Why look for problems when you really have none. You want to be with him, you want to marry him, well tell him that. He's not a mind reader. At the moment the way you are playing things, you have convinced him that you don't care about him at all and he has probably given up on you.
You've sent him an email, that's good. But why so serious? Where's the talk about missing him and wanting to be with him. Your old enough to realise that if you want happiness in life you have to risk something. Are you better by pretending to be cold, or is it better to tell him exactly how you feel. If he doesn't want you, both ways will bring heartache. But in one scenario, you have told him how you feel, you have done everything in your power to have a happy life with this man. With the other choice, you sit back and wait for him, you have done nothing to make your future happy, and you will always wonder if you could have done or said more to bring you closer together.
At a certain age, games are no longer suitable, nor is pretending you don't care, when you care about things a lot. The way you are acting just confuses things, and leaves this guy out in the cold. If you want him chase after him, if he wants you, then he will be easy to catch. Regrets are painful, and heartbreak will be worse, if you know you could have been more honest and open in your relationship with him.
Stop holding back, if he's gonna hurt you, he'll hurt you anyway. But your confusing behaviour could just drive him away. Remember, men get confused and hurt too. If you want something then tell him, he can't behave the way you want, because he doesn't know how your feeling at the moment.
A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (21 November 2008):
 I dont no if Im the kind one or the bitch but Im not a bitch hunny just honest and all the other aunts are honest all in there own ways love...You have done the right thing. Yes its good to love yourself absolutly, And you love him so all you can do is pull out the stops and try and get the guy and hopefully your beautiful personality will show through and nab him and you will have the man of your dreams forever good luck hunny with love MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, LittleBlueOne +, writes (21 November 2008):
LittleBlueOne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the helpful answers.No, I was not playing games, and no, it is him I want.I went to a 12 hour intensive one on one therapy session with a reknown Doctor to learn what went wrong, where my responsibilities were, and how men and women differ in the way they act and react to things. So, for the one lady that thought I only wanted marriage and not this man in particular, I appreciate your honesty and well-thought-out answer, however, I was merely confused as to what to do, not playing games with him at all.To the kind lady who said that we are both confusing each other, and to just try and get him, since we love each other:I wrote him a short e mail telling him I went to the class, telling him past issues dont have to be discussed, and that I wanted to make sure things didnt digress like in the past. I told him I loved him and loved myself, so I didnt want to fall back into old relationship patterns.Unfortunately, all the advice given everywhere else said, 'no contact, no contact" etc etc.So, its been a month now, and I just emailed him. So we will see what happens.If he was playing games with me then get ready for one train wreck of a heartbreak. Do you guys think I have done all I can do now?I love him with all my heart.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 November 2008):
So from what I understand:
You asked for commitment, he said that he was planning to propose, you said that is not good enough.
You went away, he contacted you by email, you said that was not good enough, he has not been psychic enough to realise that only phone lines are good enough.
You have been checking out your other options...
It seems to me like you really don't want to be with this guy as you keep making up these games as reason to dump him. You resent him for making you travel to see him, fair enough. But don't set up an obstacle course and hope he falls in the mud.... do the decent thing and split up with him if you don't think he's good enough for you.
As you say, you already have plan B, C and D waiting with rings in hand, and since getting married is more important than love at this point, pick one of them.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (21 November 2008):
Hi Hunny
You talk with him, It matters not how over the phone m.s.n E-mail you just speak with him.
He was going to propose to you, You have knocked him back by saying no talk of marriage any more. Have you thought that maybe he is hurting to..
Have you though that he feels you may not want to talk to him on m.s.n so therefore he is not starting the conversation. If this man is your best friend then why do you worry who does what first. You are talking as if you are a prize in a competition, So what if there are 3 other men interested in marriage with you, You have told him not to talk about it..You want this man because you love him sweetheart so go out there and get him..TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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